How To Kill A Spider In 12 Easy Steps

Can’t I just TaskRabbit this?!

Spring is upon us

And with that comes Spring cleaning

Nothing can slow you down today

Until you come across THIS


You can’t just kill it…

I mean what are we savages?

1. So you open up with some light negotiations…

“If you stay in that corner, I won’t kill you… I’ll never kill any spiders again… I’ll buy you licorice… Please for the love of GOD stay in that corner!”

But the détente doesn’t last long


2. Don’t worry! It’s Vacuum time!

And of course the inevitable happens…

3. So you move on to the next best thing in your arsenal—HAIRSPRAY

Or Axe if you’re a guy. It has the same effect on spiders as it has on women…

And you knew it wasn’t going to work but you had to try…

Don’t worry we have contingency plans for this sort of thing!

4. So you call upon your resident BOUNTY HUNTER

For 2 PRECISELY 15 minute-long cuddles a day and unlimited tuna this BAMF hunts down your silverfish, spiders and the occasional mouse.

But even Kitty Fett is foiled by this demon spider from hell

5. So now you realize it’s down to YOU

In a way you knew this was how it was going to end all along

6. Shame your cat and show him how its done


“Sorry, Human”

7. So you dip into your armory for the final fight

Come at me, Spider-Bro

(Improvise with household items if necessary)

And of course you’re still freaked…

8. But it’s time to rally

9. You do the death dance

10. Show that spider who is boss and rage on it!


11. Throw it in the toilet, flush it, AND NEVER LOOK BACK


12. Grab your feline friend and celebrate your victory over the Spider Intruder

It was sort of a team effort

But stay frosty, Kitty Fett…

Because next time its all YOU!

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