How To Bring Out Your Inner Wednesday Addams
Here are 12 steps to help you become your somber, sadistic dream girl.
1. Get pale.
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Pallor is necessary. Remove any trace of a healthy glow.
2. Forget how to smile.
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Your teeth are now in hiding - DO NOT LET THEM OUT.
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Eventually you can pull out the smile for extremely special circumstances in which you need to unsettle everyone around you.
3. Fill your closet with her signature attire.
A black dress with a white collar.
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Have the dress, but lack the collar?
Then make one, you somber lady you. Here's how.
4. Braid your hair.
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Whether you're awake or asleep - do not remove the plaits.
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If you're completely inept when it comes to braiding, just buy a wig.
It won't be as luxurious as a wig made from the hair of Cousin Itt, but it'll do.
5. Find suitable heroes.
6. Drink your daily poison.
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A bottle is fine for when you're out and about, but use a mug in the morning.
7. Be assertive.
9. Speak the truth.
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Brutal is the way to be.
11. Fully commit when performing.
Make the audience believe that you're really bleeding out on stage; if there isn't a splash zone, you're not trying hard enough.
12. Pursue your passions.
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Your enthusiasm should always be kept in check EXCEPT when witnessing the sizzling effects of high voltage electricity upon the human body....
....or continuing your in-depth research on the Bermuda Triangle.
...and you should honor her as such.
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OR ELSE.