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1. A scarf to scare chatty folks away.
Just point to it whenever someone tries to start up a conversation.
Get it from Amazon for $19.99.
2. A tee that understands your personal hell.
Get it from Chummy Tees on Etsy for $22.95 (available in two different colors and men's and women's sizes).
3. Pencils for when you're exhausted from dealing with literally everyone.
Uggghhhhhhhh.
Get them from Amazon for $8.99.
5. A hoodie for someone who'd rather be abducted by aliens than work on a group project.
6. A giant body pillow for those times when you actually want to cuddle.
Bonus: Plush cats don't talk.
Get it from Amazon for $74.95.
7. And a pillow that's an extra-strength defense against bullshit.
Get it from Betty Turbo on Etsy for $20.
8. A pair of gloves that will do all your talking for you.
Talk to the hand. Literally.
Get them Talkigloves from on Etsy for $39.99.
10. A tote for anyone who prefers the company of canines.
🐶 > 👱
Get it from Cassandra Berger on Society6 for $13.
11. A bottle opener made for drinking alone.
Pop some tops and then hang it on your door. These brews are just for you.
Get it from Amazon for $6.05.
12. A laptop sticker to help you avoid small talk when you're working in a coffee shop.
13. An ostrich pillow that lets you hide your head in the "sand."
14. A baseball tee to gesture to when someone invades your personal bubble.
Get it from Look Human for $24.99 (also available in tee, tank, and hoodie form and five different colors).
17. Wrapping paper to use when someone forces you to go to a party.
"I told you I didn't want to go!"
Get it from Julie Ann Art on Etsy for $4.99.
18. Socks for those who prefer to be a party of one.
Get them from Yeah Bunny on Etsy for $14.
19. A set of prints featuring famous recluses.
Thomas Pynchon, Emily Dickinson, and J.D. Salinger = #LifeGoals
Get them from Terrific Friends on Etsy for $40.
20. A print celebrating the sweet sound of silence.
Get it from Meera Lee Patel on Etsy for $30.
21. A pin featuring a quote from The Man Who Came to Dinner that'll make you say, "Me."
Get it from Kate Gabrielle on Etsy for $13.
22. And a pin for anyone who knows that one doesn't have to be the loneliest number.
Harry Nilsson totally had it wrong.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $10.
23. And a mug featuring a plant who's as antisocial as you are.
Get it from Amazon for $19.
Bye forever.