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1. A scarf to scare chatty folks away.
Just point to it whenever someone tries to start up a conversation.
Get it from Amazon for $19.99.
2. A tee that understands your personal hell.
Get it from Chummy Tees on Etsy for $22.95 (available in two different colors and men's and women's sizes).
3. Pencils for when you're exhausted from dealing with literally everyone.
Uggghhhhhhhh.
Get them from Amazon for $8.99.
4. A bracelet stamped with your *true* name.
5. A hoodie for someone who'd rather be abducted by aliens than work on a group project.
6. A giant body pillow for those times when you actually want to cuddle.
Bonus: Plush cats don't talk.
Get it from Amazon for $74.95.
7. And a pillow that's an extra-strength defense against bullshit.
Get it from Betty Turbo on Etsy for $20.
8. A pair of gloves that will do all your talking for you.
Talk to the hand. Literally.
Get them Talkigloves from on Etsy for $39.99.
9. A tent to turn your bed into an escape pod.
Get it from Amazon for $129.99 (available in twin, twin XL, full, or queen... plus a variety of different colors).
10. A tote for anyone who prefers the company of canines.
🐶 > 👱
Get it from Cassandra Berger on Society6 for $13.
11. A bottle opener made for drinking alone.
Pop some tops and then hang it on your door. These brews are just for you.
Get it from Amazon for $6.05.
12. A laptop sticker to help you avoid small talk when you're working in a coffee shop.
13. An ostrich pillow that lets you hide your head in the "sand."
14. A baseball tee to gesture to when someone invades your personal bubble.
Get it from Look Human for $24.99 (also available in tee, tank, and hoodie form and five different colors).
16. An adorable brooch to communicate how antisocial you are.
17. Wrapping paper to use when someone forces you to go to a party.
"I told you I didn't want to go!"
Get it from Julie Ann Art on Etsy for $4.99.
18. Socks for those who prefer to be a party of one.
Get them from Yeah Bunny on Etsy for $14.
19. A set of prints featuring famous recluses.
Thomas Pynchon, Emily Dickinson, and J.D. Salinger = #LifeGoals
Get them from Terrific Friends on Etsy for $40.
20. A print celebrating the sweet sound of silence.
Get it from Meera Lee Patel on Etsy for $30.
21. A pin featuring a quote from The Man Who Came to Dinner that'll make you say, "Me."
Get it from Kate Gabrielle on Etsy for $13.
22. And a pin for anyone who knows that one doesn't have to be the loneliest number.
Harry Nilsson totally had it wrong.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $10.
23. And a mug featuring a plant who's as antisocial as you are.
Get it from Amazon for $19.
Bye forever.
