22 Perfect Valentines For People Who Have No Time For Feelings

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Tequila is cheaper than dinner for two.

1. For the Valentine who needs to save money.

Get it here.

2. For the Valentine who ~excites~ you.

Get it here.

3. For the Valentine who’ll get you where you need to go.

Get it here.

4. For the Valentine with an interest in zoology.

Get it here.

5. For the messy Valentine.

Get it from here.

6. For the Valentine who thinks that slow and steady wins the race.

Get it here.

7. For the Valentine you want to get skeletal with.

Get it from here.

8. For the Valentine who would appreciate a bit of scatological humor.

Get it here.

9. For the Valentine you pester.

Get it here.

10. And for the Valentine who pesters *you*.

Get it here.

11. For the Valentine you have whale-y strong feelings for.

Get it here.

12. For the Valentine you’re somewhat ambivalent about.

Get it here.

13. For the Valentine who could be an extra in a Tim Burton movie.

Get it here.

14. For the Valentine who appreciates poetry.

Get it here.

15. For the Valentine you have no regrets about.

Get it here.

16. For the Valentine who makes some missteps.

Get it here.

17. For the Valentine who needs some direction.

Get it here.

18. For the Valentine with one thing on their mind.

Get it here.

19. For the Valentine who needs a formal invitation.

Get it here.

20. For the Valentine who may be feeling sheepish.

Get it here.

21. For the valentine who better be thanking their lucky stars.

Get it here.

22. For the Valentine you’re always texting the eggplant emoji to.

Get it here.

Still can’t find ~exactly~ what you’re looking for? Here are 31 more unromantic cards for you to choose from!

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