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1. A tortilla blanket that'll turn you into the delicious human burrito you've always aspired to be.
Get it from Amazon for $39.95.
2. A coffee mug so you don't have to stop your never-ending flow of dad jokes just to take a sip of Joe.
Get it from Art by Sarah Studio on Etsy for $10.99+ (available in two sizes).
3. A butterfly shirt collar for anyone whose statement pieces are the wind beneath their wings.
Get it from Amazon for $10.
4. An inflatable pug because actual dogs make your allergies ~blow up~.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $25.
5. A cute-as-pie door mat for people who want to subtly celebrate fall all year long.
Get it from Olive Creative Company on Etsy for $45.
6. An A-line mini that'll look perfect on anyone who enjoys being a little ~spacey~ sometimes.
Get it from ModCloth for $69 (available in three styles and sizes XS–4X).
7. A print so you can show off the wise words you have always known to be true.
Get it from Pivot Handmade on Etsy for $14+ (available in six sizes).
8. A road trip candle sure to satisfy anyone with a wanderlust they can't control and a wallet they can't take any vacation money out of.
Get it from Homesick Candle or Amazon for $29.95.
9. A pair of narwhal earrings for majestic accessorizers who don't care if others can't see the ~point~ in jewelry this cute.
Get them from Stark Contrasts on Etsy for $11.99+ (available in seven styles).
10. A sloth planter, because there is no one you would rather ~hang out~ with on the weekends than a critter as sluggish as you.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $18.
11. A craft beer scratch-off chart to give you a goal seriously worth drinking to.
Can it be time for New Year resolutions already?
Get it from Pop Chart Lab on Etsy for $35+ (available alone or in one of three frames)
12. A pack of sticky notes for any organized soul who has always wanted a ~tabby~ cat.
Includes 360 tabs.
Get it from Amazon for $7.39.
13. An eye-catching wall clock to help you check the time more often and finally leave the house on time — no ifs, ands, or ~butts.~
To get this clock tickin' you'll need one AA battery, not included.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $29 (available in two styles).
15. A piñata pillow for people who know that snuggling up with a throw pillow during a Saturday afternoon nap is the real party.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $34.
16. A set of rainbow or sprinkle wall decals to cover your walls in details as colorful as your personality.
Get them from Kenna Sato Designs on Etsy for $32.99+ (rainbow) and $26.99 (sprinkles).
17. An invigorating butt scrub that knows you deserve self care from your head to your toes, not only your face. And this'll have just enough sass for your fine ass.
Get it from Anese for $28.
18. A set of three jellyfish air plants because your only jelly-wish in life since you first saw The Little Mermaid is to live under the sea.
Get them from Simply MAE'd With Love on Etsy for $21.95 (available in four sets of colors).
19. A notebook for any writers who feels provalone in their love of cheesy poetry.
Never let them get you down, just ~brie~ yourself!
Get it from ModCloth for $10.
20. A sweatshirt that'll understand you perfectly and let others know what you're too sleepy to say.
Get it from Valfre for $68 (available in sizes XS–XXL).
21. A coffee mug sure to keep your kids/roommates quiet until you're awake enough to be friendly, so that you don't seem like a ~drip.~
Get it from Amazon for $14.95.
22. An oven mitt that already knows you so well it's gonna have your favorite method of cooking right on the front.
Get it from ModCloth for $15.
23. A mythical print for anyone who is totally and completely over unicorns.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $19+ (available in 13 frame colors and four sizes).
24. A set of three lip, cheek, and face crayons to give to anyone who knows that coloring is still tons of fun!
Get a set of three from Asos for $29.
25. A funny doorstop because you might be shy, but you don't want to ~close the door~ on the chance at making new friends. That being said, a helpful ice (cream) breaker will definitely make it a little easier when inviting people over.
Get it from Amazon for $18.24.
26. A rude bird so you tou-can say exactly what you want to without having to say anything at all.
Get them from The Art Of Hellebardeon Etsy for $3.03+ (available in six styles).
27. A pack of four mini gnomes because you love your plants enough to find them buds — now you will have gnome-more friendless flowers in your home!
Get them from Firebox for $17.09.
28. A wholesome game of You've Got Crabs for close friends who love getting together and having a laugh, even when they're feeling ~crabby.~
Don't forget to grab the expansion pack so you can ~claw~ your way to the top. The game already includes 78 cards, instructions, a foam turn indicator, 28 crab points, and a box with three drawer compartments and is intended for ages seven and up. To play the game, split into teams of two, create a secret signal, and try to get four matching cards that only your partner knows about. Good luck!
Get it from Amazon for $24.99.
29. And finally, a middle finger lamp that'll be a hilarious piece of passive-aggressive home decor and a genuinely useful nightlight — you can flip it on and ~flip it off~ any time you like!
Get it from Interior Illusions on Etsy for $47.20.
Me, to these products.
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32 Things That’ll Make You Say, “Why Don’t I Own That Already?”
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The reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.
