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2. A Bingo Bronson pin, so your favorite blue friend can help you make all the best (worst) decisions.
Because nothing will make you feel more alive than spending $60 on Manuka honey.
Get it from The Found Retail on Etsy for $11.
3. A book by Abbi Jacobson with a plethora of tampon and condom art that deserves to be in a gallery... not a sandwich shop.
Get it from Amazon for $15.27.
4. A dildo you're gonna want on 24/7a.m.
5. A tank top for the friend who loves a good Guinness as much as they love an Irish goodbye.
Get it from Iconic Duo for $24 (available in sizes S–L).
6. A customizable mug — because nothing is better than waking up to a smooth cup of Val after getting black-out drunk.
Get it from PoppedCultureCo on Etsy for $15+ (available in two sizes).
7. A SAD lamp for soothing your soul through this never-ending winter or keeping at your desk while you spend your days finding Deals! Deals! Deals!
This light changes colors and tones, has a sunrise timer, and can act as an alarm with natural sounds instead of obnoxious beeps.
Promising review: "This is worth the price and then some! It's great and I feel much more energy waking up from it in the morning. I also love gazing at the light colors it has. This is definitely a great item to purchase and well worth the money. It is so soothing. This is such a great value." —jim bechtel
Get it from Amazon for $35.99.
8. A print you'll love even more than that sundress you just bought, because this one has pockets!
Get it from Southern Woman's Bookstore on Society6 for $43.99 or for $23.79 unframed.
9. An orca pool float so you can have your own Kirk Steele summer.
Cha-chinga!
Get it from Amazon for $12.82.
10. A Broad City soundtrack on vinyl with a beat that'll go... four and three and two and one-one.
Get it from Amazon for $18.84.
11. A Dyson for every ~fan~ who knows how to have a good time at the ol' BB&B.
Better than that, take one from Abbi and get literally anything from Bed Bath & Beyond. Time to whip out those coupons!
Get it from Bed Bath & Beyond for $299.99 or from Amazon for $241.57.
12. A New York City coloring book Abbi Jacobson designed so you can make your own ~sketch~ of the city.
Get it from Amazon for $9.95.
13. A Broad City branded pegging kit you'll wanna ~thrust~ into your cart immediately.
Get it from Love Honey for $89.99.
14. And a jar of lube so you won't (or actually, will) ~slip up~ on the first try.
Get it from Love Honey for $12.99.
15. A pin which is sure to put a smile on your face... but not because they asked.
Get it from Crafted By Carly R on Etsy for $10.
16. A cannabis cookbook — it just might be the best way to master your own firecracker smoothie.
Strega Nona will be so proud.
Get it from Amazon for $17.06.
17. A pillow you can snuggle up with as you rewatch every season.
18. A pair of statement hoops Ilana would proudly place upon your lobes.
Get them from Nasty Gal for $4.80.
19. Or a petite piece from Catbird, so you can wear earrings from the same boutique jeweler as Abbi.
It's true! Abbi's character wears earrings from Catbird in almost every episode.
Get it from Catbird for $20 (sold as an individual stud).
20. An Oprah sticker for your computer, or your lower back.
Get it from RedBubble for $6.
21. Or a pair of laptop stickers from the episode where Abbi and Ilana try caps for the first time — but be aware, the large sizes won't leave ~mushroom~ for anything else.
Get them from Alice Protin on Society6 for $3.99+ (available in two colors and four sizes).
22. A top for the best bridal shower this side of Astoria.
23. And the perfect gown for the (dog) wedding of the century.
Sorry it isn't Vera Wag. But it's just as gorgeous!
Get it from Trixie's Dog Fashion on Etsy for $75 (available in sizes XXS–M).
24. A Broad City Mad Libs that'll (verb) your (noun) until you (verb)!
25. A Shania album on vinyl to pump you up when you're at home and working on your weight ~twaining.~
Get it from Amazon for $25.49.
26. A T-shirt to represent YOUR city.
Get it from Hot Topic for $24.90+ (available in sizes S–3X).
28. A yogurt maker and a Garol sticker for anyone who knows that dairy is the most important meal of the day.
29. A sticker set you'll be purring over all night.
Get them from Kitty Casandra on Etsy for $22.
30. A twin of Abbi's blue dress at a price that won't make you run back to the shop after 30 days.
Get it from Nordstrom for $112.80 (available in two colors and sizes 0–12).
31. A sticker that'll put your best habits under the perfect ~umbrella~.
Get it from Other Worldly Artisans on Etsy for $2.
32. A hoodie you can get to share in Ilana's (and Fido's) personal style.
Pulling off a hoodie with ear holes can be ~rough.~
Get it from Amazon for $32.99 (available in five sizes).
33. And a sweatshirt for all you broad f*cking fans out there.
It me!!
Get it from WildFox for $108.
Me, showing off all my Broad City swag.
The reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.
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