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    32 Naughty Valentine's Day Gifts That'll Probably Make Your Partner Say "Nice"

    After all, Valentine's Day only ~cums~ once a year.

    1. A Michelangelo's David switch cover that'll turn them on every time they turn off the lights.

    Reviewer image of standard light switch with plate cover over it, making it look like David's ding dong is the switch

    2. A cursed candle for letting your sarcastic soulmate know you think they're #1.

    Hand shaped candle with flame starting at upturned middle finger

    3. An elegant lingerie robe with some serious "I just murdered my husband" vibes that's sure to have your (true crime) lover looking stunning...if a little bit sinister.

    4. A cheeky tee that's gonna delight your independent BFF who has no interest in Valentine's traditions. Instead, let them eat cake, reject relationship expectations, and get "buzzed."

    Closeup of T-shirt with French Bulldog holding a massage wand with the words "Independent Bitch" around it

    5. A Batman costume for the extra special ~member~ in your marriage.

    Cucumber wearing a Bateman wrap and cape

    6. A rustic decorative box subtle enough to keep out at all times, reminding your special someone what a lovable pain they truly are.

    Rustic decorative box that says "You are my favorite pain in the ass"

    7. The We-Vibe Anniversary Collection Box with a bullet that'll pack quite the punch (even though it's quiet as a mouse) and an app-controlled vibe that's gonna knock their socks off (and likely everything else).

    8. A ceramic titty tumbler — a handcrafted cutie that's probably gonna be the breast gift they've ever received.

    Shirtless person holding boob-shaped mugs in front of chest

    9. A pair of glowing, waterproof bike testicles so they can have a ~ball~ (and be safe!) while riding their bike at night.

    10. A soft rope hog tie set for that special someone you can ~knot~ believe you are lucky enough to be in a relationship with.

    Person with x-shaped ties behind back attached to wrists and ankles

    11. A serial killer coloring book — a gift to prove to your beloved that your taxidermy collection isn't the "creepiest thing in the apartment."

    12. A coffee mug for any foul-mouthed fiend who wants a sprinkle of swears with their spoonful of sugar.

    Mug that says "Shuh Duh Fuh Cup!"

    13. A foul-smelling fragrance to finally get back at the prank master you're married to. They're sure to appreciate the effort, despite how much this gift actually stinks.

    Fancy looking bottle of perfume beside packaging

    14. An adult coloring book they'd have to be a ~dick~ to not love coloring in.

    15. An inappropriate pillow — a gift that'll be a skele-ton of fun to add to your bedding.

    Square decorative pillow with two skeletons that says "LMAO We Always Bonin"

    16. Or a sweatshirt your morbid S.O. can wear if they have rather deadpan humor.

    Skeleton and coffin on sweatshirt that says "I put the Fun in funeral"

    17. A massage oil candle for showing your burning love with a mighty fine spa night.

    Five round tins with dropper edge for pouring candle wax

    18. An oven mitt to tell the SNACK you're in love with why you think everything they make tastes so darn delicious.

    19. A Jason Momoa coloring book with some truly *colorful* content. Fair warning: this coloring book is sure to be a hit, but it's also been known to make artists Momoan every time they open it.

    20. An FU cookie cutter so you can whip up an entire batch of kick-ass sugar cookies, even though your DEAREST says you are useless in the kitchen. I! Think! Not!

    Cookie dough cut out to look like a hand giving the finger

    21. A gorgeous Bondage Couture collar and wrist cuffs are sure to be a doggone fun way to kick your kink up a notch this Valentine's Day.

    22. An itty bitty penis planter — present them with this gift and they'll know they got the whole ~package~ when they decided to date you.

    Three handmade pots, each with a penis and testicles, in different skin tone shades

    23. Would You Rather...? and Truth Or Dare? — books filled with fun questions, prompts, and dares that are gonna have you both blushing before bursting...with satisfaction.

    24. A Bella Auset candle for the partner who is ALWAYS all of these things. At the same time.

    Candle that says "Classy Sassy and Smart Assy"

    25. A cheeky chicken cookbook that's gonna teach you and the kinky kindred spirit you love several ways to ~flip the bird~ and baste it to the best of your abilities.

    Book cover with bound, cooked chicken on a plate

    26. A candy dick (available in dark and white chocolate) you can send to someone who needs to think long and hard about how they've done you wrong.

    27. An ASL coffee mug to give the night owl you live with, so they no longer have to actually SAY IT when you start getting chatty before their morning coffee.

    White mug with illustrated hands spelling out "Fuck Off" in American Sign Language

    28. A couple print in a distinctively minimalist style that'll pack a particularly precious punch, despite being so sexy!

    29. A We-Vibe Touch, a mini (and waterproof) clitoral vibe with *EIGHT* different modes. This is gonna be easy to use discretely, if your roommates have told the two of you to stop being so...loudly in love.

    Two people holding small vibrator

    30. Images You Should Not Masturbate To, a coffee table book you can tell them you got special, because sometimes it's nice to just have the reminder.

    31. A clitoral vibrator for stimulating their best bits with blissful, touch-free sensations. Bonus: it's designed in such a way that their body should never get too used to it, meaning they're gonna be surprised by this pleasure time and time again.

    Person in bath holding sex toy

    32. And finally, a classical portrait of a maiden's face for bringing some fiiiiine art into your shared home.

    Classical style portrait of woman with added leather and metal face harness and ball gag

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