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    32 Naughty Valentine's Day Gifts That'll Probably Make Your Partner Say "Nice"

    After all, Valentine's Day only ~cums~ once a year.

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A Michelangelo's David switch cover that'll turn them on every time they turn off the lights.

    Reviewer image of standard light switch with plate cover over it, making it look like David's ding dong is the switch

    Promising review: "This David switch plate is attractive and made with quality material. It was very easy to install and makes me smile every time I flip the light. —Mel Tell

    Get it from Amazon for $9.95+ (available in 9 styles).

    2. A cursed candle for letting your sarcastic soulmate know you think they're #1.

    Hand shaped candle with flame starting at upturned middle finger

    Promising review: "Do not hesitate. This candle RULES. It is GORGEOUS in person and makes me smile every time I see it. You won't regret this purchase. The detail on it is fantastic!" —Kristen

    Get it from Amazon for $30.90.

    3. An elegant lingerie robe with some serious "I just murdered my husband" vibes that's sure to have your (true crime) lover looking stunning...if a little bit sinister.


    Promising review: "This is gorgeous, elegant, and custom fit. I am in love with the way it flows and the quality of the materials. This robe is an absolute dream (pictured above, right)." —Patience

    Get it from Amazon for $59.99+ (available in 47 colors and sizes S–3XL).

    4. A cheeky tee that's gonna delight your independent BFF who has no interest in Valentine's traditions. Instead, let them eat cake, reject relationship expectations, and get "buzzed."

    Closeup of T-shirt with French Bulldog holding a massage wand with the words "Independent Bitch" around it
    Char Bataille

    Char Bataille is one of a handful of tattoo artists I have a lifelong goal of being inked by. Until I make my way to Canada for one of their psychedelically lovely designs, I've taken to covering my torso with their hilarious (and bright/sunny/sarcastic) tees. My husband and I share a wardrobe and we both love the extra soft fabric and clear, colorful prints. To match our lewk, grab the Virgo and easy going tees. Then get all the others.

    Get it from Char Bataille for $22 (available in nine colors and sizes S–3XL).

    5. A Batman costume for the extra special ~member~ in your marriage.

    Cucumber wearing a Bateman wrap and cape
    Cock Couture

    Get it from Cock Couture on Etsy for $15.99.

    6. A rustic decorative box subtle enough to keep out at all times, reminding your special someone what a lovable pain they truly are.

    Rustic decorative box that says "You are my favorite pain in the ass"

    Promising review: "While this is really small my husband loved it and it was a perfect little knickknack for his shelf." —Jennifer L. Sejda

    Get it from Amazon for $8.99.

    7. The We-Vibe Anniversary Collection Box with a bullet that'll pack quite the punch (even though it's quiet as a mouse) and an app-controlled vibe that's gonna knock their socks off (and likely everything else)., We-Vibe

    The We-Connect™ app is free, and it'll let you control your Sync from anywhere.

    Promising reviews: "The Tango is just perfect in every way! It's cute, powerful, and versatile. Using it with my partner is the best. He also loves it when we both play with it." —Lina001

    "I need clitoral stimulation and had tried plenty of couple toys but they were cheap products and not worth it! That's why we decided to buy the Sync even though the price is quite premium. It is perfect for me. It's the only thing that makes me have the big OOOOOOH while sleeping with my partner. He enjoys it too!" —Linda

    Get it from We-Vibe for $149 (originally $279; available in two colors).

    8. A ceramic titty tumbler — a handcrafted cutie that's probably gonna be the breast gift they've ever received.

    Shirtless person holding boob-shaped mugs in front of chest
    Playful Ceramics

    Get it from Playful Ceramics on Etsy for $55.

    9. A pair of glowing, waterproof bike testicles so they can have a ~ball~ (and be safe!) while riding their bike at night.


    Promising review: "My son is the biggest smart @$$, so I gave him the gift that keeps on giving — a pair of swinging nuts for his bike that light up for safety. I’m a good mom!" —Missy Tee

    Get them from Amazon for $9.99 (available in four colors).

    10. A soft rope hog tie set for that special someone you can ~knot~ believe you are lucky enough to be in a relationship with.

    Person with x-shaped ties behind back attached to wrists and ankles

    Promising review: "My wife and I thought it would be fun to try something different in the bedroom and we found this rope tie to be very fun. It's not too intense as she had the freedom to get out of it if she chose to. It’s not to tight to get free but she loved being dominated at a beginner's level. We both would recommend this for a little fun during sex." —Real 1

    Get it from Lovehoney for $19.99.

    11. A serial killer coloring book — a gift to prove to your beloved that your taxidermy collection isn't the "creepiest thing in the apartment."

    Amazon, Mallory Mower / BuzzFeed

    Promising review: "This is exactly what I expected to get! It's made with very nice paper and the backs of each picture are blank so you can rip them out or use markers without worrying about them bleeding through if you want to!" —Amanda Hichue

    Get it from Amazon for $7.92.

    12. A coffee mug for any foul-mouthed fiend who wants a sprinkle of swears with their spoonful of sugar.

    Mug that says "Shuh Duh Fuh Cup!"

    Promising review: "I gave this mug to a friend and she called it the best gift she's ever received!! It's cute, funny, and functional!!" —Pen Name

    Get it from Amazon for $13.97.

    13. A foul-smelling fragrance to finally get back at the prank master you're married to. They're sure to appreciate the effort, despite how much this gift actually stinks.

    Fancy looking bottle of perfume beside packaging

    Promising review: "This stuff is great. It will pollute a room. I like it because you can spray it and then walk away discreetly. The smell will then start enveloping around and give you time to get away from the scene. Then, watch everyone start gagging and blame each other for the smell. At first, everyone will just try to ignore the smell, but then it is just impossible to ignore and chaos begins. Great classroom gag, especially if you are a teacher." —Rejeana Albert

    Get it from Amazon for $15.95.

    14. An adult coloring book they'd have to be a ~dick~ to not love coloring in.


    Promising review: "I have a friend that loves these kinds of coloring books. If you have a friend that has a funny sense of humor, likes to color to put some stress out on the paper, than I suggest gifting this." —Dustin Taylor

    Get it from Amazon for $4.99.

    15. An inappropriate pillow — a gift that'll be a skele-ton of fun to add to your bedding.

    Square decorative pillow with two skeletons that says "LMAO We Always Bonin"

    Promising review: "This is a super cute item that everyone makes positive comments on! The fast shipping was also a plus!" —Debby D.

    Get it from LookHuman for $33.99.

    16. Or a sweatshirt your morbid S.O. can wear if they have rather deadpan humor.

    Skeleton and coffin on sweatshirt that says "I put the Fun in funeral"
    Sloth Shirts

    Get it from Sloth Shirts on Etsy for $28.99 (available in six colors and sizes S–XXL).

    17. A massage oil candle for showing your burning love with a mighty fine spa night.

    Five round tins with dropper edge for pouring candle wax

    Promising review: "This has an excellent smell and quality. It leaves skin soft and soothed." —Stacey Hudson

    Get it from Amazon for $16.50+ (available in five scents).

    18. An oven mitt to tell the SNACK you're in love with why you think everything they make tastes so darn delicious.


    Promising review: "I gifted this to myself because why the hell not. Who doesn’t need an oven mitt with a self confident message that includes profanity? I must also mention that I proudly display it and use it to take things out of the oven. It serves multiple purposes!" —Susan Jones

    Get it from Amazon for $14.99.

    19. A Jason Momoa coloring book with some truly *colorful* content. Fair warning: this coloring book is sure to be a hit, but it's also been known to make artists Momoan every time they open it.


    I bought this for my best friend's birthday. Wanna know the reason I'm certain she's my best friend? Because I loved her enough to give this away. I don't have a lot of regrets in life, but not keeping this MASTERPIECE is one of them. Every page is laugh-out-loud funny and totally, painfully, embarrassingly sexy...for a coloring book.

    Promising review: "My husband bought this for me for my birthday. My first reaction was five minutes of rib-hurting laughter. I mean, seriously, who thought this thing up? It's bloody brilliant! But as I looked through it, the images are great, perfect for coloring. It's super cheesy, but that's what makes it so great." —DamselWriter

    Get it from Amazon for $11.18.

    20. An FU cookie cutter so you can whip up an entire batch of kick-ass sugar cookies, even though your DEAREST says you are useless in the kitchen. I! Think! Not!

    Cookie dough cut out to look like a hand giving the finger

    Promising review: "The recipient LOVED it! It is a very funny and fun gift. I am very pleased. Just remember, this is NOT dishwasher-𝘚𝘢𝘧𝘦. Overall a great present!" —Elizabeth

    Get it from Amazon for $7+ (available in four sizes).

    21. A gorgeous Bondage Couture collar and wrist cuffs are sure to be a doggone fun way to kick your kink up a notch this Valentine's Day.


    You can also get matching ankle cuffs to complete the lewk.

    Promising review (for wrist cuffs): "I love these! They're so pretty and work great." —Rose

    Get the collar and the cuffs, both from Bellesa Boutique for $29.

    22. An itty bitty penis planter — present them with this gift and they'll know they got the whole ~package~ when they decided to date you.

    Three handmade pots, each with a penis and testicles, in different skin tone shades
    Well That's Bizarre

    Get it from Well That's Bizarre on Etsy for $29.80 (available in three colors).

    23. Would You Rather...? and Truth Or Dare? — books filled with fun questions, prompts, and dares that are gonna have you both blushing before bursting...with satisfaction.


    Promising reviews: (Would You Rather?) "This book has 110 fun sexy questions that are designed for couples or groups. It's definitely worth a few laughs. Perhaps it might be the conversation starter you've been looking for to express preferences or expand horizons." —Bridgett

    (Truth Or Dare?) "I originally wasn't sure how graphic this book would get but it doesn't get too graphic. It's fun and you can play with friends or your partner and not make anyone uncomfortable, as long as everyone is comfortable talking about sex and fantasies. I think that it is a book that everyone should own because I can see the potential behind it to help a lot of couples." —Heather Ramsey

    Get Would You Rather...? and Truth Or Dare? from Amazon for $9.95.

    24. A Bella Auset candle for the partner who is ALWAYS all of these things. At the same time.

    Candle that says "Classy Sassy and Smart Assy"
    Bella Auset

    I love my Bella Auset candle! I got this sassy version in debonair and it is deliiicious. The jar is so funny and fun — these are all great conversation pieces. Be sure to take a gander at their Love and Friendship, Black Lives Matter, Spiritual, and Breast Cancer Awareness options before you check out!

    Get it from Bella Auset for $21.99 (available in five scents).

    25. A cheeky chicken cookbook that's gonna teach you and the kinky kindred spirit you love several ways to ~flip the bird~ and baste it to the best of your abilities.

    Book cover with bound, cooked chicken on a plate

    This tantalizing book is filled with recipes like holy hell chicken wings, vanilla chicken, mustard-spanked chicken, and dozens of others you'd rather not describe to your mother at the dinner table.

    Promising review: "My brother-in-law has been doing a lot of cooking lately and my sister suggested I get him cooking related gifts for Christmas this year. I got him several cookbooks, this being one of them. This was a huge oversight on my part however, because I knew this book was bound to be funny (I mean come on, it's called 'Fifty Shades of Chicken' and has a chicken all tied up on the front) but I did not realize how dirty most of the jokes would be/definitely geared more towards women. But my brother-in-law loved it, including how there were half-naked men modeling with the food in the book! All of the dishes have racy names and he went through every single page laughing and saying how much he loved it. Everyone also thought that my red and embarrassed face was perfect to go along with the gift! Overall, very successful gift, but it is definitely racy and geared more towards women!" —Sarah G

    Get it from Amazon for $9.95.

    26. A candy dick (available in dark and white chocolate) you can send to someone who needs to think long and hard about how they've done you wrong.

    Dicks By Mail

    I got these for Valentine's Day last year! I even gave two out as gifts after trying them out myself. They've become a running gag gift in my family at this point. Every few months one of us will end up with this *package* at our door. The chocolate tastes great and lasts ages because (fair warning) these dicks are huge.

    Get it from Dicks By Mail in dark or white chocolate for $23.99.

    27. An ASL coffee mug to give the night owl you live with, so they no longer have to actually SAY IT when you start getting chatty before their morning coffee.

    White mug with illustrated hands spelling out "Fuck Off" in American Sign Language
    Matriarch Handmade

    Get it from Matriarch Handmade on Etsy for $16.

    28. A couple print in a distinctively minimalist style that'll pack a particularly precious punch, despite being so sexy!

    R Nicole Studio

    Get it from R Nicole Studio on Etsy for $6.50 (available in two sizes).

    29. A We-Vibe Touch, a mini (and waterproof) clitoral vibe with *EIGHT* different modes. This is gonna be easy to use discretely, if your roommates have told the two of you to stop being so...loudly in love.

    Two people holding small vibrator

    Promising review: "I know, it's not a newcomer. But I just recently discovered We-Vibe Touch. During Quarantine, which was a lifesaver. For real. I am single. But thanks to Touch, I have quarantine worries no more. This is amazing. Just a bit sad I didn't have it years ago." —MeMyselfIsla

    Get it from We-Vibe for $69 (originally $99).

    30. Images You Should Not Masturbate To, a coffee table book you can tell them you got special, because sometimes it's nice to just have the reminder.


    Promising review: "This was a big hit at the white elephant gift exchange I went to. I brought it, it was fought over. I'm pretty sure bringing this book is the only reason I was invited back the following year." —Katie

    Get it from Amazon for $11.

    31. A clitoral vibrator for stimulating their best bits with blissful, touch-free sensations. Bonus: it's designed in such a way that their body should never get too used to it, meaning they're gonna be surprised by this pleasure time and time again.

    Person in bath holding sex toy

    Promising review: "Guaranteed orgasms? No problem with this toy!" —Jasmine A.

    Get it from Womanizer for $69 (originally $129; available in three colors).

    32. And finally, a classical portrait of a maiden's face for bringing some fiiiiine art into your shared home.

    Classical style portrait of woman with added leather and metal face harness and ball gag
    That's What She Said Art

    I have several cards and prints from That's What She Said art in my home (my personal favorite is this vintage snowman greeting card, I have it framed and put it up every year at Christmas). The quality of these prints is top notch and the style is unbeatable. These are lifelong conversation pieces, people!

    Get it from That's What She Said Art on Etsy for $18.

    When you present your package:


    Reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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