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1. A suspiciously quiet Mandrake baby you should refer to as "Bonsai" for the Muggles' sake.
2. A Hogwarts laptop decal to make your Muggle homework way more magical.
3. A Butterbeer candle, because your pumpkin spice candle could never smell as good as the Three Broomsticks.
4. A Hedwig-inspired jewelry cage that will actually be pretty terrible for housing your snowy owl, but will perfectly hold all your jewelry (or horcruxes) safely.
5. A set of floating diamond glass terrariums so beautiful you'll know Neville had a hand in making them.
6. A set of Marauder's Map bedding to keep you covered when you are up to no good, we solemnly swear.
7. A mermaid blanket you could throw on a sofa to make it look chic, or throw on your body to look like someone who just ate a crap ton of gillyweed.
8. A toilet decal with directions we recommend not following.
9. A Deathly Hallows bookend to keep your treasured stories safe.
10. A toilet night light that would totally make Moaning Myrtle be all, "Where has this been my whole (after) life?"
11. A Dumbledore-approved gold-foil watercolor print so lovely you will want one for every room of the house.
12. A do-it-yourself magnetized sandscripter to bring out the actual (artistic) wizard in you.
13. A sunburst mirror, like The Mirror of Erised, to show you your deepest desire, even if your desire is usually just getting eyeliner on straight.
14. A doormat that's actually pretty useless, because it tells everyone how to unlock the door.
15. A set of starry twinkle lights that just may look like they came straight from a spellbook.
16. A selection of Harry Potter cat ornaments for keeping your holiday decorations both Harry and furry.
17. A platform 9 3/4 sign to help you find the wizards in your world...or make people think you're really into fractions.
18. A Murphy bed that will magically convert your studio apartment into a rustic entertainment space by day and a luxurious bedroom by night.
19. A traditional rug for cozy nights in the common room.
20. A golden snitch clock — it would surely let you catch a few more minutes of sleep, if you could catch it.
21. A levitating succulent pot to charm and enchant all who see it.
22. A Patronus bed set for cleverly hiding your Harry Potter passion in the comfort of some snuggly sheets.
23. A salt crystal lamp that would give the Sorcerer's Stone a run for its money.
24. A lightning bolt tapestry to keep the sparks alive in any room of the house.
25. A decorative pillow so charming we know you are going to love it good.
26. A gorgeous display of gilded butterfly wall art, because if you had a Patronus it would be a million butterflies.
27. A rustic cabin shower curtain perfect for Hagrid to take up shop in your bathroom, naturally.
28. A floating bookshelf that will prove you have been reading up on your levitation charms.
29. A snuggable cat lamp Crookshanks would probably hate because it will be squishy, adorable, and light up with just a touch; he could never compete.
30. A light switch plate that can bring you happiness even in the darkest of times, if you only remember to use it to turn on the light.
31. And a pair of particularly circular glasses to casually leave out on your coffee table when someone comes over so you could be all, "Oh, my friend left those here. He's so forgetful. And powerful."
The reviews in this post have been edited for length and clarity.