Phases of Your Psychological State After Failing the Bar Exam

Think you're hot shit for attempting the hardest bar exam in the country? (Which incidentally is California—debate me New Yorkers.) The great equalizer called the bar exam humbles all those before it, no matter where you are.

At first, you thought you were a big shot coming out of that exam after having sat through 18 hours of agony

One of the reasons why California has a moral advantage over New York

That excitement turned out to be faux relief, as ennui slowly set in

First month: Excited and guilty over being treated to meals even though you didn't even pass yet

In between: Cycle of boredom and anxiety as you remember you're waiting for results. Or guilty over going on that post-bar trip even though you didn't even pass yet

Last two weeks: HELP

November rolled around, and results were still pending no matter how often you checked

Are the goddamn results here yet?

Friday before Thanksgiving: The demonic countdown read "1 minute"...and it finally turned 6 PM

Long-awaited Schroedinger's bar results became available...

Irreconcilable possibilities, zero and one, coexist as long as you resist observation... Should you have checked it?

You couldn't handle the anticipation bursting out of the seams of your heart. You slapped in your applicant code and then...

3 seconds of pure agony before you saw something horrible

Just to make sure, you checked again and again and again...

Did you put in the right numbers? Leading zeroes? Maybe reverse the numbers? Did you actually pass but just read it wrong? Did they actually receive my answer files?

Your hopes and dreams departed from your body and soul

Meanwhile, friends who passed announce it all over Facebook

"Esquire."

Never trust known humblebraggers

You: "I'm SO happy for you!"

so (sō)

adv.

1.

a. To the amount or degree expressed

Everyone: "Did u pass?!"

Despair intensifies relentlessly, and you resign yourself from the world

How could this happen... to ME?

Why is that annoying person from law school instead part of the 46.6% who passed?

All hope appears lost, and you need an eternal sabbath

Day 1: DON'T BOTHER ME

Day 2: Let me rest in peace

Day 3: To be or not to be, that is the question

Day 4: It feels like an unending downward spiral

Day 5: Which of the 5 stages of grief is this?

Day 6: Please, take me far, far away

Day 7: You finally accept reality and seek rebirth

You tried...

But now it's time to get yourself in gear

You pretty much know this shit already

As a veteran repeater, you're already ahead of first timers after all

Perhaps, with the right study strategies, 2016 will be the best year yet...

Maybe you'll decide to abstain from useless lectures...

And adopt four other shifts in your approach to bar exam study

Maybe you'll learn how to get more and more efficient at practicing essays...

And in fact learn more while still having time to do the things you love

Using the "essay cooking" technique, for example

Maybe you'll focus on your weaknesses and actually see your MBE scores rising...

Using a subtle change in how you track your MBE scores

Maybe these concepts will finally click and you'll see a world you've never seen before...

It's not going to be a walk in the park

But the underdog wants a turn to shine

And maybe because you're the ultimate sore loser, who is ambitious and hates to lose...

Fuck the examiners

...you'll get the last laugh after all

I think we can all agree these GIFs are way better (don't underestimate a GIF hipster) than captioned Tumblr GIFs that aren't still images for some reason. But good-old text can be even better for learning actual bar strategies, while still having fun!

Wait, is that possible? You tell me. Click on over to Make This Your Last Time for candid, actionable discussion to help you pass the bar exam by a second-time California passer.