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1. A tee that faux-pologizes for your reluctance-induced lateness.
Honesty is the best policy.
Get it from Amazon for $19.99. / Available in men's sizes S-3XL and women's sizes S-XL.
2. A checklist notepad to tear off and school anyone exhibiting truly messy behavior.
Get them from Amazon for $5.30.
3. Or a work-specific pad for the Miranda Priestly of your office.
4. A light-up marquee letter K you can point to to deliver the most scathing of text responses.
Get it from Amazon for $10.85.
5. A book on sleeping or picky eating that will make you the ultimate savage parent.
6. A sweatshirt that understands the world is your library, and everyone just needs to shush.
Get it from Amazon for $23.99.
7. A book to add to your ~lending library~ for anyone who needs a lesson or two.
Including sections on public transportation, relationships, and how not to be a dick on the internet.
Get it from Amazon for $12.89.
8. A text-heavy enamel pin that reminds people that they're the reason for your existential suffering.
9. An excuse-generating pen to click through in front of anyone who invites you to hang out.
"Sorry I cant..." ::looks at pen:: "...because my goldfish drowned?"
Get it from Asos for $9.50.
10. A tee for any Disney Princess who feels like shitting on someone.
Get it from Human for $19.99.
11. A watercolor print that knows the world is more colorful with less bullshit in it.
Get it from Quote Foundry Co. on Etsy for $5.20.
12. A set of notebooks that'll remind people to stay the fuck away from your personal property.
13. A tee to point to when someone asks for your digits.
Get it from Forever 21 for $8.90.
14. A set of rings that give your waves hello a double meaning.
15. A wordy hat that'll really ~cap~ off your social interactions.
Get it from Lindsay Bottos on Etsy for $20.
16. A "welcome" (lol as if) mat that'll remind unwanted visitors to go away before they can even knock.
Get it from Amazon for $26.94.
17. A tee to curse anyone who is looking at their phone while slow-walking ahead of you.
Get it from Human for $19.99.
18. A mug that'll remind any of your co-workers to not talk to you before you've had your morning coffee.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $10.
20. A pair of socks that'll make you want to flash some ankle.
Get a pair from It Fils Good on Etsy for $9.86.
21. A laptop skin that flips the bird at anyone who suggests you smile while working or studying.
Get it from Restless Bear on Redbubble for $25.
23. A mug that's perfect for taking slow, meaningful sips of tea from.
Get it from Andrea Emporium on Etsy for $9.
24. An enamel pin that'll spray away the nonsense.
Get it from Betty Turbo on Etsy for $12.