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1.A pair of open, silicone baskets to help you make *traditional* (i.e. open, in boiling water) poached eggs — without any of the fuss.
2.Or if you really #cannot deal with boiling a pot of water, a two-cavity silicone tool that'll let you achieve the glory of a poached egg right in the microwave.
3.A pair of ~hair eggcessories~ for anyone who thinks a runny yolk is the equivalent of molten gold.
4.A rapid cooker that'll make whipping up nuritious hardboiled eggs less...well...hard. Taking protein-rich snacks on the go has never been easier. ~Cobble~ together a Cobb salad with zero effort!
6.A fit and flare dress you're contractually obligated to wear to brunch. Far away it's a cute, abstract-looking print — up close? OMG bacon and eggs!
7.A frying pan with built-in recessed cups that'll whip up four perfectly uniform eggs so you can feed the whole family without the whites all running together.
8.Or if you only need to feed one, a silicone ring to make contained, circular eggs so assembling a 'gram-worthy breakfast sandwich is less of a ~scramble~.
9.A handy little hardboiled egg peeler you didn't think you needed, but is absolutely worth ~shelling~ out for.
10.A *45-second* stoneware omelet maker that'll upgrade your morning routine. Omelet you finish, but this might be the easiest way to make a healthy breakfast of all time. OF ALL TIME.
11.A four-pack of breakfast-themed coasters so you won't ~chicken~ out when it comes to reminding your guests to stop leaving rings on your coffee table.
12.A copy of the Egg Shop Cookbook for anyone who can't get the delicious breakfast-all-day dishes at their New York restaurant. Now you can make 'em at home!
13.A ceramic nonstick frying pan that'll make you toss your old PFOA-treated ones (you know, with that dark, weirdly-textured coating) — these are better for you, much longer-lasting, and your eggs will sliiiiiide right out every time — little or no oil required.
14.A miniature (3.5") Lodge skillet perfect for making breakfast for one, whether you like baked eggs, shakshuka, a frittata, or an egg-topped hash.
15.A bread cutter to transform your usual egg-in-the-basket breakfast into a monster of a good time. Spoiler alert: the whites of his eyes are actually made out of egg whites.
16.A pair of enamel collar pins your friends will definitely try to ~poach~ from your closet.
17.A tube of Skinfood's Pore Foam for anyone knows the incredible, edible egg isn't *just* for eating. This bb contains albumen (aka protein-rich egg white) to tighten skin and pores, keeping breakouts at bay and fighting fine lines and wrinkles.
18.Sumo wrestler–inspired egg cups sure to remind you that hard- or softboiled eggs will make you super strong 💪. And they'll make your breakfast more fun, but that's just an added bonus.
19.A tee for any aspiring Ron Swanson just looking for a JJ's diner of their own.
20.A PJ set that'll make sleeping well and waking up in the morning easier than ever — even if the weather isn't exactly sunny side up.
21.Or a loungewear set any power breakfast enthusiast could never say "avocad-no" to.
22.A "grip 'n' flip" spatula you can clamp down for easy turning. Making an over easy egg will never be the same again. NO BROKEN YOLKS!
23.A stress toy that'll puke out his yolk when things get tough so you don't have to. And unlike you, he can gobble it right up again for the next time something stressful happens!
24.A dino skull–shaped hardboiled egg mold so any kid's (or kid at heart's) breakfast time can feel more like an archeological dig at a fossil site.
25.A cuddly, soft(boiled) throw pillow guaranteed to make lying on the couch even more delicious.
26.A foolproof timer you can toss in with your boiling eggs — as it heats up, it'll glow to show when your eggs are soft, medium, hard, and even the little stages in-between.
27.Ruffle-topped sheer socks for anyone who never yolks around when it comes to their eggsquisite style.
28.And a lazy AF Gutetama tee, because when asked the question "What did you do this weekend?" the answer should be "I ~lay~ in bed all day." Now if only your blanket was made of bacon, too.
"Whatcha doing?" "Idk, thinking about runny egg yolks and stuff."