The NFL Playoffs As Game Of Thrones: AFC Championship Game Edition

HBO’s awesomely gratuitous fantasy series can’t return soon enough. Here is what the AFC championship game would look like if it were a real-life manifestation of George R.R. Martin’s fantasy world. Coming tomorrow: the NFC title game edition.

New England Patriots

2. Jamie Lannister = Tom Brady

How They’re Alike: Both men share abilities that few men possess along with a never-ending supply of self-confidence and smug faces. Also, if anyone in King’s Landing would shamelessly wear Ugg boots/shoes, it would be Jamie Lannister.

3. Ser Alliser Thorne = Bill Belichick

How They’re Alike: Two men who seem to joylessly go about their jobs, with Thorne training the newest members of the Night’s Watch and Belichick trying to deliver a fourth Super Bowl title to New England. Almost unarguably the surliest men in their respective professions.

4. Tyrion Lannister = Wes Welker and Danny Woodhead

How They’re Alike: Too easy.

Baltimore Ravens

6. Ned Stark = Ray Lewis

How They’re Alike: Aging warriors who have proudly served as Wardens of the North (specifically the AFC North, in Lewis’ case). Also, I can see someone like Lewis living by the words, “The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.”

7. Bronn = Bernard Pollard

How They’re Alike: Swords for hire in their respective worlds (Pollard has played for three teams in the past four years) who have shown a penchant for exploits in combat; Bronn fought for Tyrion Lannister’s freedom, while Pollard was involved in plays resulting in season-ending injuries to Tom Brady and Wes Welker. No word on whether season two of Game of Thrones will feature Bronn “popping it.”

8. Jon Snow = Joe Flacco

How They’re Alike: I imagine Ravens fans constantly refer to their quarterback as “that bastard,” while Jon Snow actually is a bastard. And whenever misfortune strikes, they immediately revert to a sad, hangdog expression. If Flacco continues to regress, he might as well pack his things and head for the Wall.

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