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Middle-Earth's Most Eligible Bachelor: The Hobbit Edition

Now that The Battle of the Five Armies is out in theaters and the Hobbit trilogy has come to an end, it's time to give one lucky man, elf, dwarf, or hobbit the highly coveted title of Middle-Earth's Most Eligible Bachelor! Here are our contestants:

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Legolas

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via img2.timeinc.net

Race: Elf

Age: ~2850-60

Hair Color: Blonde

Eye Color: Blue

Occupation: Prince of Mirkwood

Hobbies and Interests: Slaying orcs left and right, Tauriel, arguing with his father, Tauriel, being in movie adaptations of books he was never in, Tauriel

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: Loyal and fiercely protective, not to mention endowed with fabulous genes. What more do you need? (Just beware, you might find a romantic rival in the form of a certain Ranger of the North later on...)

Bard the Bowman

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via images6.fanpop.com

Race: Man

Age: Unknown (mid-to-late 30s?)

Hair Color: Dark brown/black

Eye Color: Hazel

Occupation: Bargeman/fisherman, later bowman and dragon slayer

Hobbies and Interests: Archery, his children, slaying dragons

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: He's handsome, he's strong, he's honorable, and he's good with children. That's husband material right there.

Thorin Oakenshield

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via wordpress.com

Race: Dwarf

Age: ~200

Hair Color: Black

Eye Color: Blue

Occupation: King of Durin's Folk, King Under the Mountain

Hobbies and Interests: Taking back Erebor, and... nope. That's it.

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: Thorin will go to any lengths to reclaim what is his, and harbors a deep love for his kin. Until, you know, his lust for gold drives him insane. Okay, so he probably wouldn't make the best partner. But if you can drive him away from his single-minded quest, then you can spend a lifetime listening to him singing The Misty Mountains Cold to you in his deep, deep voice.

Fili

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via images6.fanpop.com

Race: Dwarf

Age: 82

Hair Color: Blonde

Eye Color: Blue

Occupation: Heir of Durin, Member of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield

Hobbies and Interests: Protecting his brother Kili, following his uncle Thorin, getting shafted in favor of the other two in all three Hobbit movies

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: Fili is often overshadowed by his brother and uncle, but his loyalty, selflessness, and honor make him a real catch. Not to mention the fact that he's young (for a dwarf) and very handsome!

Kili

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via images6.fanpop.com

Race: Dwarf

Age: 77

Hair Color: Dark brown

Eye Color: Brown

Occupation: Heir of Durin, Member of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield

Hobbies and Interests: Annoying Master "Boggins", Tauriel, pleasing Uncle Thorin, Tauriel, destroying lives with his smoldering gaze, Tauriel

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: His inexplicable infatuation with a woman of another species aside, Kili is an absolute dreamboat. Those chocolate brown eyes. That smile. That sweet and sensitive nature. His willingness to give everything his very best shot. Did I mention those EYES?

Elrond

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via img3.wikia.nocookie.net

Race: Half-Elven

Age: 6,000+

Hair Color: Dark brown

Eye Color: Grey

Occupation: Lord of Rivendell

Hobbies and Interests: Giving advice that no one ever listens to. Ever. In the history of Middle-Earth. EVER.

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: Besides being a highly powerful elf Lord, Elrond is wise and immortal and has some really strong eyebrow game. If more people listened to Elrond, Middle-Earth would be SO much better off.

Lindir

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via pinterest.com

Race: Elf

Age: Unknown

Hair Color: Dark brown

Eye Color: Dark brown

Occupation: Elrond's Right Hand Man

Hobbies and Interests: Being beautiful in the background, speaking one line in the entire movie and then disappearing

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: We don't know much about Lindir, except that he's beautiful and we love him and that we simply had to include him here.

Bilbo Baggins

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via cdn1.sciencefiction.com

Race: Hobbit

Age: 50

Hair Color: Brown

Eye Color: Brown

Occupation: Burglar

Hobbies and Interests: Food, reading, going on adventures

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: Brave and loyal, Bilbo Baggins is a little hobbit with a big heart. However, it has been remarked by some that a hobbit's only real passion is for food, so you may be stuck playing second fiddle to a steaming pot roast all your life. Oh, and that pesky Ring...

And last, but most certainly not the least...

Thranduil

Warner Bros. Pictures / Via pinterest.com

Race: Elf

Age: 5000+

Hair Color: Flawless

Eye Color: Flawless

Occupation: King of the Woodland Realm

Hobbies and Interests: Being fabulous, wine, telling his son Legolas what to do, dwarf-racism, wine

Why He Would Make the Perfect Partner: Because he's flawless, and fabulous, and better than you.

  1. So, who is Middle-Earth's Most Eligible Bachelor? Cast your vote below!

    Legolas
    Bard
    Thorin
    Fili
    Kili
    Elrond
    Lindir
    Bilbo
    Thranduil
    Correct!
    Wrong!

    The correct answer is: THRANDUIL.

    If you voted for anyone other than Thranduil, you are wrong. Thranduil is flawless, and is most definitely Middle-Earth's Most Eligible Bachelor. We just gave you the illusion of having a choice in the matter. Now the King knows of your disloyalty.

Middle-Earth's Most Eligible Bachelor: The Hobbit Edition

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