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19 Times Sex Education Failed Spectacularly

It's a miracle we even know how to sex.

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Paramount Pictures / Via BuzzFeed

We recently asked members of BuzzFeed Community to tell us their most embarrassing sex education stories. Here are the rather horrifying results.

1. Our "special gift"

We were all given mini-Oreo snack packs in the beginning of the lesson and we were told we could eat them or save them, our choice. I obviously ate them because FOOD.

At the end of the lesson we were asked to raise our hand if we ate the Oreos. I did. We were then told that we hadn't held on to our "special gift" and it was now gone forever. This is sex education in southern Indiana.

– Sarah Finnerty (Facebook)

2. "The butt was NOT created for that"

This frail old lady came into our sex ed class with a suitcase and a USB drive. The suitcase was filled with condoms and the USB drive contained pictures of all the STDs imaginable. She ended the escapade on a Q&A session. Someone asked: "How do you do anal?"

The lady went WIDE-EYED and yelled at the class, saying: "The butt was NOT created for that. If any one of you guys want tearing, bleeding, and the inability to poop then go try anal!"

– Ivy Moon (Facebook)

3. Whale noises

We had to watch it a birthing video, and there was an Asian couple, and the dad, in order to "soothe" the baby, would talk "whale" to the mother's stomach. This one dumbass kid thought that's how you got the girl PREGNANT, so he went up to me afterwards, grabbed my stomach, and, I shit you not, re-enacted Dory when she spoke whale in Finding Nemo. I wasn't sure whether to be flattered or concerned so I just let him continue his attempt to impregnate me with whale noises.

– Anna Bisogno-Papa (Facebook)

Disney

4. "A feeling in my stomach"

I didn't really have sex ed but I remember in science when the teacher was talking about the reproductive system, a girl piped up and asked: "When I'm on a rollercoaster and I have a feeling in my stomach, is that sperm moving around?'"

Samantha Walford (Facebook)

NBC

5. Cream cakes

We had an older Welsh lady teaching us abstinence. Her advice included: "You don't have to have sex with someone just because you fancy them. I might fancy a cream cake, it doesn't mean that I have to have sex with it." Cream cakes were ruined for life right there and then.

Angela

6. Used diaphragm

My teacher was showing us an example of a diaphragm. We were all passing it around when she mentioned that it was an old one of hers. To this day I hope she was joking but it was never clarified.

Kate

7. How big is it?

I still remember in seventh grade, during sex ed, one girl raised her hand and asked how big an average erect penis is. My teacher answered: "About six or seven inches", and the girl got a look of pure terror on her face and whispered "Holy shit" under her breath.

amm4isu

8. "PENIS!"

At the beginning of the class, my (clearly very uncomfortable) teacher said: "All right, we're just going to get it over with now. When I count to three, we'll all say 'penis'. Alright, one, two...".

I was excited about finally getting to this portion of the class, so when he got to three, I shouted "PENIS!" loudly and proudly. I was the only one who said it.

– Kaeden Kass (Facebook)

Fox Searchlight Pictures

9. Fainting spell

I once fainted during a lesson where we learnt about a woman's menstrual cycle.

– Spencer Barrs (Facebook)

10. Johnny Condom

We were shown a short film called Johnny Condom. It was frightening.

– David Wriglesworth (Facebook)

11. A salty taste

In my sixth-grade sex ed class, we had an anonymous question box. One of the questions asked: "What does sperm taste like?" My teacher then continued to explain how it has a salty taste and wasn't too bad. I could never look at her the same after that.

Mikeaela

12. "Fun stuff"

In my seventh-grade sex ed class, my (very uncomfortable) PE teacher was talking to us about sperm. Only he couldn't quite bring himself to say it, so he just kept calling it "fun stuff". The best part of the lesson, however, was when he drew a picture of sperm on the board, and then to make it more "fun", drew a face and a top hat on it.

Pearl

13. Mum's pubic hair

A girl told us about her mum's pubic hair and shaving preferences. She gestured towards her own vagina and made a hand motion – "She has this little stripe down the middle."

Yggye

BBC

14. Disappointment

We got "props" in our class. One of the girls in my class told one of the female teachers that [the prop] was "nowhere near big enough". The teacher proceeded to tell her she should prepare for huge disappointment.

Blorgasporgler

15. Penis names

In 10th-grade sex ed class my teacher made us all give nicknames to the penis and one kid called it The Punisher. After he said that the entire class went silent for, like, two minutes and then we all simultaneously burst out laughing.

Titok

16. A drawer full of condoms

The whole class thought we had lucked out since the old sex ed teacher retired. On the first day of class the new teacher (it was his first year teaching and the poor guy was stuck with sex ed) opened the desk hoping to find a worksheet. Instead, he found an entire drawer filled with condoms.

The poor guy was obviously weirded out, but he tried to keep it together and gave the condoms away. After everyone had a condom on their desk, we realised the condoms had expired over a year ago. He ended up dumping the whole drawer into the trash, then walked out of the room. He didn't come back until the end of class. This was six years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Naomi

NBC

17. "That's your mother"

My mother taught the sex ed class at my school. She's weirdly gifted at rewriting songs to serve her purpose, e.g.: "Hey There Delilah" became "Hey There Chlamydia". She sang her songs while projecting a slideshow with pictures of the symptoms from corresponding STDs. And all my friends could say was "OMG, that's your mom."

Lesley

18. Twitch

We did our sex ed in seventh grade. Every time our teacher, Ms Bucklad, said the word "penis" she would twitch.

It came to be known as the Bucklad Twitch.

Leef

Nickelodeon

19. Poor Sally

We watched a video in biology called Sally's Baby and it showed us the "miracle" of childbirth. After half an hour of abject horror, our teacher then rewound the video so we could watch the baby going back in…

Melanie

Columbia Pictures

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