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I Bet You 5 Bucks You've Unknowingly Committed At Least One Of These Weird Federal Crimes

If you've written a check for less than $1, you're in ~trouble~...

  1. Have you knowingly let your pig enter a fenced-in area on public land where it might destroy the grass?

    Have you knowingly let your pig enter a fenced-in area on public land where it might destroy the grass?

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Have you knowingly let your pig enter a fenced-in area on public land where it might destroy the grass?
  1.  
    vote votes
    oop, guilty!
  2.  
    vote votes
    nope.
  1. Have you ever harassed someone playing golf in a national park or near Washington D.C.?

    Have you ever harassed someone playing golf in a national park or near Washington D.C.?

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Have you ever harassed someone playing golf in a national park or near Washington D.C.?
  1.  
    vote votes
    I'm going to jail!
  2.  
    vote votes
    phew, no.
  1. Have you ever gone abroad with more than $5 in pennies or nickels in your pockets?

    Have you ever gone abroad with more than $5 in pennies or nickels in your pockets?

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Have you ever gone abroad with more than $5 in pennies or nickels in your pockets?
  1.  
    vote votes
    HOW is this still a law?
  2.  
    vote votes
    no siree, never done that.
  1. Have you ever written a check for less than $1?

    Have you ever written a check for less than $1?

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Have you ever written a check for less than $1?
  1.  
    vote votes
    unfortunately yes.
  2.  
    vote votes
    what are checks again?
  1. Have you ever made unreasonable gestures (“considering the nature and purpose of the actor’s conduct, and other factors that would govern the conduct of a reasonably prudent person") to a horse?

    Have you ever made unreasonable gestures (“considering the nature and purpose of the actor’s conduct, and other factors that would govern the conduct of a reasonably prudent person") to a horse?

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Have you ever made unreasonable gestures (“considering the nature and purpose of the actor’s conduct, and other factors that would govern the conduct of a reasonably prudent person") to a horse?
  1.  
    vote votes
    no comment.
  2.  
    vote votes
    I'm always polite to horses!
  1. Have you ever knowingly sold macaroni that had a diameter smaller or larger than 0.11 and 0.27 inches?

    Have you ever knowingly sold macaroni that had a diameter smaller or larger than 0.11 and 0.27 inches?

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Have you ever knowingly sold macaroni that had a diameter smaller or larger than 0.11 and 0.27 inches?
  1.  
    vote votes
    I apologize sincerely.
  2.  
    vote votes
    Don't worry, I always measure my macaroni.
  1. Another food-related felony — have you ever knowingly sold swiss cheese that didn't have holes in it?

    Another food-related felony — have you ever knowingly sold swiss cheese that didn't have holes in it?

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Another food-related felony — have you ever knowingly sold swiss cheese that didn't have holes in it?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Oh come on!
  2.  
    vote votes
    pfft, swiss cheese isn't swiss cheese without the holes!
  1. Lastly, have you ever had bad hygiene and still visited the Library of Congress?

    Lastly, have you ever had bad hygiene and still visited the Library of Congress?

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Lastly, have you ever had bad hygiene and still visited the Library of Congress?
  1.  
    vote votes
    ...guilty.
  2.  
    vote votes
    ...innocent!
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