You constantly bitch about Time Warner but never change to FiOS.You've canceled a date last minute when you find out that they want to go someplace more than 10 blocks away from where you are.You ask someone how much their rent is and then secretly use that to figure out their annual income.You've gotten too drunk at brunch and spent the rest of the day sleeping.You regularly watch House Hunters and cry about how much your rent is.You say you'll go to a Broadway show and then look up the prices and think, nah.You immediately turn up your music when you hear "It's showtime!"You get crazy angry when someone steps into your way while you're holding something heavy but pay zero attention when someone is holding lots of bags.You've paid $12 for ice cream at a trendy ice cream truck.You've purchased a $5 umbrella and then wondered why it broke after three blocks.Then you tossed the umbrella in the trash and bought a new one.You have started a conversation with a weather update.You start every conversation with a weather update.You constantly worry about bedbugs but still hold onto subway poles.You talk about how stupid the Hamptons are but jump when someone invites you.You get annoyed when your Instagram feed is just photos of the skyline but then you Instagram from a rooftop anyway.You've rushed to make the subway and had the doors close right in front of you, only to be opened again by the world's nicest human and your new best friend, the train conductor.You've told the charity people with clipboards that you "just don't have time today" when you have no where to go.You've picked what looked like the shorter line at Whole Foods and it was actually the longest line.You've never seen the G train actually working.You've acted like nothing is happening when something actually insane is happening right next to you.You always talk about how shitty Terminal 5 is but still buy tickets to it anyway.You shop from the Trader Joe's checkout line.You've left New York for vacation and wondered if someone was going to kill you when they smiled at you on the street.You've taken a black car home even though you know better.You've used the wind in the subway to cool off.You worry about the air that makes up that wind.You've Seamlessed more than one meal in a day.You've Seamlessed all of your meals in one day.You order from the same place so often that you wonder if the people that work there are judging you.They've made it obvious that they are judging you.You use your headphones while grocery shopping.You use your headphones while clothing shopping.You've run into that stupid person you met on OKCupid even though the city is fuckin' huge and they live and work nowhere near you.You get pissed when someone slows down because they're texting but you've stopped in the middle of the street to read something.You've smelled something gross and then worried for the rest of your walk that it is you.You constantly talk about getting a pet.You never get a pet.You've fallen in love with a stranger on the subway and planned your entire life together.They've noticed you and you acted like nothing happened.You've refused to go a restaurant with a B or below health rating but then gotten drunk and gone anyway.You'll complain about the calorie count listings at restaurants but ignore them anyway.You've had to stand next to a couple that is fighting and eventually picked a side.You've lost track of how much you curse.You've purchased something off of craigslist that was very questionable and probably should have given you some type of disease but it didn't and now you tell everyone about it.
How New York Are You?
How New York Are You?
No worries, there is always time. Becoming a New Yorker is a longterm investment that can't be taken lightly. It takes a lot of energy to get that grumpy.
Nice work! You're on your way to becoming the hardened, badass New Yorker of your dreams. Don't forget to complain a lot and purchase more black clothing.
You're so close! You're like one dozen bagels away. Just keep gettin' that $1 pizza and you'll be there in no time.
You did it. You've made it! You're what people dream of becoming. Don't get too excited though because New Yorkers don't get excited.