Dear Jake Gyllenhaal, I noticed that you've developed a new snacking habit that is rather worrisome.
Nervous?
Don't worry. We're here to help. But let's not beat around the bush, Jake. Your iPhone headphones are not food.
They will not give you sustenance.
They are not filled with nutritional value.
You know what you can eat? Pancakes.
Grilled cheese.
Even a salad would be fine.
But headphones, not so much. k?
