1. I wonder how many years it would take for me to go to every restaurant in this entire city.
2. Holy shit, I’m so tired.
3. I didn’t sleep enough last night.
4. I wonder why I didn’t sleep enough last night.
5. I wonder if I should talk to someone about that.
6. I wonder where you find someone to talk to about things like sleeping.
7. I should wear more red.
8. I wonder what that person would look like.
9. How old is old now?
10. Oh wait, never mind. Better question: How young is young now?
11. At what age do kids get their cell phones?
12. Wait, where are my shoes?
13. I wonder what my ex is doing right now.
14. God I love Leonardo DiCaprio.
15. Oh, there are my shoes.
16. What, where did this tab come from? * clicks eighth tab in browser *
17. Oh it’s this dog learning how to wear a harness. OMG that’s so fucking cute.
18. Maybe I should re-watch some of his old films.
19. Maybe I shouldn’t and should just go see Wolf of Wall Street instead.
20. I should bookmark that photo so I don’t forget it.
21. Did you see the poster for that movie?
22. Jonah Hill looks great.
23. He’s really killing it now.
24. Sometimes I feel bad for doubting him.
25. Oh, note to self: I should get flowers for the front table.
26. He was good in Superbad.
27. Sometimes I forget Emma Stone was in that.
28. Emma Stone is the shit.
29. I want to go to brunch with Emma Stone.
30. Wait, what is that sound?
31. Where do you find a best friend like Emma Stone?
32. I wish there were some type of store you could go to get friends like her.
33. I wonder what aisle she’d be in.
34. Maybe she’d be next to the snack options.
35.* Checks bookmarks * What is this link?
36. * Opens the same photo of the dog *
37. OMG THIS DOG IS SO CUTE. I LOVE HIM.
38. Right, Emma Stone. That’d be cool; it’d be like when you went to Blockbuster and the candy and the popcorn were right there so you could get it when you get your movie.
39. I can’t believe Blockbuster stayed around as long as it did.
40. I need to pee.
41. I wonder if anyone who worked at Blockbuster used to watch Netflix at home.
42. I wonder what Beyonce and Jay Z talk about when they’re by themselves.
43. I feel like they really love each other.
44. I can’t imagine them breaking up.
45. Jason Derulo.
46. But really what do we know about celebrities?
47. Is it good to eat coconut or not? I can’t remember.
48. I should start a blog.
49. * Makes a blog *
50. Is that my phone ringing?
51. I can’t even remember what life was like without the internet.
52. How did our parents go to college without computers?
53. I wonder if today’s twentysomethings could pass college back then.
54. Hulu Plus is such a scam you have to pay for it AND watch commercials.
55. I should smoke more weed.
56. But really, whose phone is that?
57. I’m hungry.
58. I wonder what I should eat.
59. I should go grocery shopping.
60. When was the last time I cut my toenails?
61. Why doesn’t Seamless allow you to use cash online?
62. Maybe I should just go out and pick up food.
63. I should check how many vacation days I have left this year.
64. Is it really necessary to wear pants to go outside?
65. I wonder what happened to my blog.
66. Crap, what is my password?
67. OK, I’ll just hit resend password.
68. Oh shit, I never answered this email.
69. Oh god, I didn’t answer this one either.
70. I wonder if animals were humans if they would feel naked without clothing on.
71. I wonder if society just decided we didn’t have to wear clothing what would happen.
72. I wouldn’t want to sit on a seat on the subway that some naked ass sat on.
73. I don’t want to go out tonight.
74. If Siri was a real person, would she be attractive?
75. I’m tired.
76. Oh cool, a text message.
- Criticized previously for not forcefully speaking out, Donald Trump condemned anti-Semitism after bomb threats were reported at 11 Jewish centers.
- Milo Yiannopoulos has resigned from Breitbart News after he was accused of defending pedophilia in an old video.
- President Trump has named H.R. McMaster as his new national security adviser, replacing Michael Flynn who resigned last week.
- West Elm pulled the Peggy Couch from its site after years of scathing customer reviews and complaints of buttons popping off 🙈