1. Cereal Rescue
“Yet another life saved by a frosted oat vowel.”
2. Linguine Car Wash
“The deluxe carbonara service had to be cancelled after too many people lost mirrors and antennas.”
3. Ham Openers
“Highly specialized teams were tasked with inspecting weaponized meat products.”
4. Salt Caramel Harvesters
“Everyone in the labor force was adjusting to changes in the Economy.”
5. Wafer Cookie Lineup
“Number three step forward please.”
6. Peppercorn Soccer
“Constant sneezing added an additional measure of challenge to the game.”
- A powerful magnitude-6.1 earthquake struck Italy Wednesday night, hours after a smaller magnitude-5.5 quake struck the same region.
- Police are investigating after someone destroyed Donald Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame star with a sledgehammer early Wednesday.
- Apple has delayed shipping its new wireless Airpods headphones that were supposed to go out to iPhone 7 users this month. 🎧
- Donald Trump bashed Hillary Clinton for going to an Adele concert after critics slammed him for promoting his new hotel.