1. Cereal Rescue
“Yet another life saved by a frosted oat vowel.”
2. Linguine Car Wash
“The deluxe carbonara service had to be cancelled after too many people lost mirrors and antennas.”
3. Ham Openers
“Highly specialized teams were tasked with inspecting weaponized meat products.”
4. Salt Caramel Harvesters
“Everyone in the labor force was adjusting to changes in the Economy.”
5. Wafer Cookie Lineup
“Number three step forward please.”
6. Peppercorn Soccer
“Constant sneezing added an additional measure of challenge to the game.”
- Barack Obama had his final press conference as president, defending his legacy and vowing to fight Trump if the nation's "core values may be at stake."
- Donald Trump's pick for health secretary, Tom Price, refused to say at his confirmation hearing whether or not he would cut Medicare and Medicaid.
- It's official: Scientists announced today that 2016 was the hottest year on record and that greenhouse gases are to blame ♨️️🌍
- "Will & Grace" will return for a 10-episode revival. Debra Messing and Eric McCormack will reprise their roles in the groundbreaking NBC sitcom 📺