1. Zac won the award for Best Shirtless Performance (obviously, there was NO competition).
2. But he was wearing his shirt, and Rita Ora knew that had to be fixed.
3. And after she ripped off his buttons and exposed his beautiful torso, she tried to put it back on…
4. But Zac, man of the people, knew better.
5. HE KNEW WHAT WE NEEDED. HE RIPPED THAT DUMB, STUPID SHIRT OFF AND THREW IT ON THE FLOOR WHERE IT BELONGS.
6. And he flexed. Oh my god he flexed so hard.
7. And gave us the double salute, while he just stood there.
8. Then he gave another salute because he knew that he just made America proud.
9. *wipes dribble off chin*
10. He also did this lip thinggggggsjkndflgjmslkdfjgmlskdjgfmlsg.
11. AND THEN SENT US KISSES AND WE ALL DIED.
12. Praise it all.
13. And thank you, Rita Ora, for being an outstanding citizen of the world by doing what you did.
- And no, people aren't drilling headphone jacks into their new iPhone 7's 📱❌