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We Need To Talk About Voldemort’s Dick

Uh...spoiler alert.

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If you've already read the new Harry Potter book — which isn't a book but a script — then continue reading. If you haven't, then this post will be a spoiler and also mostly about Voldemort's dick, just FYI.

You see, in The Cursed Child, an evil and angsty millennial named Delphi is revealed to be the daughter of Bellatrix Lestrange and...VOLDEMORT.

Warner Bros. / Via cinemablend.com

This is upsetting for reasons including the fact that oh, Voldemort can find a girlfriend but I'm still single? And also, WAIT, VOLDEMORT HAS A PENIS?????

I mean, Voldemort having a penis didn't even seem possible.

The fact that Bellatrix and Voldemort had a love child has me so fucked up. I never thought he had a penis until now. Am I the only one??😖😧

Because everyone and their mother (literally) had the same thought: Voldemort didn't even have a nose, and now you want us to believe he has a dick????

My moms response to Voldemort having a daughter: "he barely had a nose, how the hell did he have a penis?"

NO. WE CAN'T STAND BY THIS INFORMATION.

Voldemort didn't even have a nose and you expect me to believe he had a penis? A penis that HE USED? Nah bruv.

I'm willing to accept that Voldy and Bellatrix *maybe* were in love or some gooey shit like that...

Scholastic / Via canadasnerd.tumblr.com

...even though Voldemort always gave me that incapable-of-love type of feel.

Warner Bros. / Via youtube.com

However, the whole ~having a child together~ just doesn't add up. I mean, as I just mentioned, he was barely a human. Like, five seconds before he and Bellatrix supposedly had this kid, Voldemort was a tiny weird melting alien baby.

Warner Bros.

And then all of a sudden he has a penis???

Warner Bros. / Via wifflegif.com

...and it's useable???

Willy nilly.
Warner Bros.

Willy nilly.

UNLIKELY!!! And yet, here we are.

The biggest spoiler of the cursed child is that Voldemort has a working penis

Twitter: @SophieBansal

Bellatrix, now would be a good time to kiss and tell.

Till then, sorry for making you think so much about Voldemort's penis. JK I'm not. :)

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