If you've already read the new Harry Potter book — which isn't a book but a script — then continue reading. If you haven't, then this post will be a spoiler and also mostly about Voldemort's dick, just FYI.
You see, in The Cursed Child, an evil and angsty millennial named Delphi is revealed to be the daughter of Bellatrix Lestrange and...VOLDEMORT.
This is upsetting for reasons including the fact that oh, Voldemort can find a girlfriend but I'm still single? And also, WAIT, VOLDEMORT HAS A PENIS?????
I mean, Voldemort having a penis didn't even seem possible.
Because everyone and their mother (literally) had the same thought: Voldemort didn't even have a nose, and now you want us to believe he has a dick????
NO. WE CAN'T STAND BY THIS INFORMATION.
I'm willing to accept that Voldy and Bellatrix *maybe* were in love or some gooey shit like that...
...even though Voldemort always gave me that incapable-of-love type of feel.
However, the whole ~having a child together~ just doesn't add up. I mean, as I just mentioned, he was barely a human. Like, five seconds before he and Bellatrix supposedly had this kid, Voldemort was a tiny weird melting alien baby.
And then all of a sudden he has a penis???
...and it's useable???
UNLIKELY!!! And yet, here we are.
Bellatrix, now would be a good time to kiss and tell.
Till then, sorry for making you think so much about Voldemort's penis. JK I'm not. :)