1. Horniness has faded. Rage has replaced it.
i’ve moved past quarantine horny i don’t want sex i want to fist fight
2. Hams have become unlimited.
Seen at the Aldi in Alexandria, MN yesterday:
3. Brands care. They really care.
I like how ads have gone from “buy a toyota” to “this is a difficult and uncertain time for us all...buy a toyota”
4. The existence of wide-brim hats is in question.
What are the people that wear those wide brim hats everywhere doing right now, do they still have them on
5. Improv shows seem thrilling.
at this point I would go to someone's improv show
6. Productivity has gone down the drain.
is this too real
7. Clothes? What even are they?
remember the first week when every single freelance writer and journalist was like “my tip for working from home is to get dressed every day like you’re going to work” HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH
8. Fancy cuisine has died.
when this all started I was like "today I will make myself a honey dijon pork chop over risotto" and now I just wake up like "egg"
9. Evening is morning, morning is evening.
day 57 of quarantine bitch i had breakfast at 5pm today
10. Aliens exist, I guess. WHO EVEN CARES THOUGH.
The pentagon literally CONFIRMED THE EXISTENCE of aliens today and no one gives a shit!!!! 2020 is fcking wild.
11. Time is a farce.
past two months be like 𝐌 𝐀 𝐑 𝐂 𝐇 ᵃᵖʳⁱˡ
12. Bodies are un-forming.
Entered quarantine thinking I'd create something beautiful during this time. Currently just have a flatter ass, carpal tunnel, and deep resentment toward everyone I've ever known and/or loved.
13. Grocery stores are the new nightclubs.
there's a bouncer at the grocery store
14. Texting rules are thrown out the window.
quarantine hobby I’ve picked up is double and triple texting my new crush that I found in quarantine
15. Breakfast in bed? More like dinner in shower.
Day 1 of quarantine: I'm going to take this as an opportunity to improve my health Day 45 of quarantine: Due to personal reasons, I am eating a lasagna in my shower
16. We yearn for messy nights out.
could really go for a nice crowded venue with all my least favorite people culminating in a nice long panic attack in the bathroom right about now
17. Jeans have become a status symbol.
wearing jeans today like a goddamn first class passenger on the titanic
18. And screens are that bitch.
Quarantine schedule: [sleep] small screen medium screen medium screen medium screen small screen medium screen medium screen medium screen BIG SCREEN BIG SCREEN BIG SCREEN small screen [sleep]
Here's hope for the future.
2021 goals: