1. This guy came out to announce the birth of the baby and was like, “LOOK AT MY BELL.”
2. And then was like, “YOU GUYS ON THE RIGHT, ALSO LOOK AT MY BELL.”
3. And he had on a BEAUTIFUL BIB TO CATCH HIS DRIBBLES (IF THAT SHOULD HAPPEN).
4. With frilly sleeves that look like the top of a baby’s tiny socks…
5. And he was wearing CLOGS furnished with perfectly shined buckles…
6. And he had so many badges and was like, “LOOK AT MY BADGES!!!”
7. Then he spoke.
8. And he was like “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
9. And “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
10. And “AHHHHHSHEGBSGBDSFKGJSLFJKNDKFAHHHHHHHHH”
11. AND HE JUST KEPT SCREAMING AND CRYING AND ASKING HIS MOM FOR CANDY.
12. And even though the veins in his neck were about to burst, he kept yelling because he really wanted that candy even though it was before dinnertime.
14. AND THEN HE LOOKED AT THE PRESS AREA AND THESE GUYS WERE THERE.
16. I love the town crier the end.
- UK voters sent a massive shock through the world, overturning 40 years of British EU membership.
- Prime Minister David Cameron says he will resign by October.
- British banks got hit hard, and their European peers were hit even harder.
- Scottish leader Nicola Sturgeon says a second independence referendum for Scotland is "highly likely."