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These Five Questions Will Determine Why You're Still Single

You're alone, but you're not alone.

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These Five Questions Will Determine Why You're Still Single

You got: You're just too fucking hot.

You are just really, really, really damn good-looking. If anyone stands next to you, they will look like an ugly troll doll. I’m talking, like, troll hair and all. They’re going to look like a 3-inch troll doll. No one on this planet has beauty like yours. Honestly, you're better off alone, because when you walk there are like beams of light that shine off you and nobody should block that.

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You got: You're too perfect.

Remember when Miley Cyrus said "Nobody's perfect" in her hit 2006 song "Nobody's Perfect”? No? OK. Doesn’t matter. You’re PERFECT.

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You got: Beyoncé? Is that you?

Is this Mrs. Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter? I thought you were married. Doesn’t matter. You’re literally single because you’re literally Beyoncé. Stick with me here. Trust me. Nice to meet you, Bey.

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You got: You don’t need some lame-ass sucker holding you down!

Let’s be honest: You just don’t need some lame-ass sucker holding you down!

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