1. When they made their awkward debut alongside his gap teeth but we fell in love with them anyway.
2. And then they grew out and blossomed into longer golden locks ready to take over the world.
3. When they framed his face like a little bowl of hairy wonderfulness.
4. And would sweep gently to the right across his forehead.
5. Except when sometimes they would be adventurous, and hang to the left.
6. When they showed off their spunk and playfulness and dangled near his eyes.
7. And jumped for joy because they were bangs and loved LIFE!
8. But also when they showed their more serious side, sitting right atop his brows.
9. When they were emo and sad and got dark like an angsty teen.
10. But still maintained their bangy beauty.
11. When they whispered sweet nothings into Amanda Bynes’ ear.
12. And when they got very close to John Travolta’s 100% natural winged hair.
13. When they competed for attention with Paula Abdul’s bangs (AND WON, OBVIOUSLY).
14. When they started to grow so long they crawled down his face to show their power and strength.
15. They were so strong and powerful that this hat couldn’t even contain them.
16. When his armpit hair tried to steal the attention but the bangs were like, “NO. I AM KING AROUND HERE.”
17. And then they were on the cover of a magazine and his armpits were nowhere to be seen but his abs were there and it was a tough race.
18. When they looked like waves of beautiful brown sea on his head.
19. And then the sea got rough and the brown waves were crashing too hard, and he was like, S.O.S.!!!
So then he jumped ship and the bangs were gone.
But it’s OK because they were immortalized forever in wax.
Never forget the bangs.
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