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Pornstache Mendez Is Nothing Like His Real Life, Perfect Self

If you want to make out with Corrections Officer Mendez from Orange Is The New Black, it's OK.

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This is "Pornstache" Mendez AKA Pablo Schreiber.

Orange Is The New Black

You might recognize him as Nick Sobotka from The Wire...

...or as Demetri from Weeds...

...or as Liev Schreiber's HALF BROTHER!!.

HE COMES FROM A VERY GOOD LINE OF BLOOD.
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HE COMES FROM A VERY GOOD LINE OF BLOOD.

(And Pablo is a fan of his brother's work. WHICH IS TOO CUTE I'M DYING.)

On Orange Is The New Black he is the slime-ball corrections officer you can't help but despise.

Orange Is The New Black

But in real life, he is a tall drink of ice cold water on a sweltering hot day with no AC.

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AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO LOVE HIM.

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Because he is flawless.

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This is him in a tank top.

This is him playing on a sports team:

And this is him in a tiny speedo.

HE IS DIVINE.

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Like, BEAUTIFUL.

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And even though they said "YOU CAN'T LOOK THIS GOOD IN A FEDORA..."

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He proved them wrong and looked this good in a fedora.

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Look at his beautiful green eyes.

Via imdb.com

And his buttery smooth forehead.

Via imdb.com

Look at him half naked in a chair.

*GULP*

Also his tweets are wonderful and not at all Mendez-y because he actually LIKES his co-stars.

Bless you Pablo for being so wonderful.

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Never Change <3 <3 <3 <3

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Just keep being you.

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Your wonderful perfect self.

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Sorry I can't Stop.

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Just one more.

Via imdb.com

Okay I'm done now.

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The End.

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