The other day (because I'm a sick, sick human) I decided to ask the BuzzFeed Community to tell me the weirdest place they've pooped. Because the poommunity is open and honest, the responses came flooding in. Thank you to those who shared your very personal poop experiences.
And now, here are their stories...
1. The two gallon poop:
3. The pants down catch:
I was at a party and realized that eating Taco Bell before a long night of drinking beer was a bad idea. All of a sudden, in the middle of a game of beer pong, the stomach pains started to happen. I told my fellow pong mates I had to run to the bathroom. The bathroom was occupied and I just couldn't hold it any longer. I snuck out the back door and ran to the neighbors yard. As I'm dropping a booty bomb in their backyard, their porch light goes on. I tried to quickly hide in the bushes and their dog that they were letting out to go potty decided to come up to me and bark uncontrollably. I was literally caught with my pants down in the most embarrassing way.
5. The band turd:
In high school, during winter drumline season. I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. While settimg up for that nights rehearsal I had a double double animal style from In & Out plus animal style fries. And from the band room to the gym is across the campus. Long story short I didn't make to the toilet in time. S*** everywhere all over me and everywhere else. I then had to walk back across campus; call my dad cuz I was 14 and ride home in the bed of his truck.
7. The printer poop:
I had just moved into my dorm room and I all of a sudden had to poop. It wasn't like a "oh I can wait" it was a "It's leaving my body this minute". And both of pur bathrooms were being used, so I pooped in the box my printer came in. So I piled more trash in the box and took it outside to the dumpster.
8. The unfortunate unclench:
I was on my way home from a friend's house and I had to go so bad. As I stepped out of my car, my cheeks unclenched and I went in my pants.
9. The double double:
I was on a road trip and there wasn’t a gas station or restaurant for at least 20 minutes. I ended up pooping in my empty Tim Horton’s coffee cup, under an over pass, on the side of the highway. My sisters now call me double double.
10. The presidential defecation:
My dad was in the Air Force for 26 years. One of those years he got us to tour Air Force 1 (which if nobody knows is the PRESIDENT’S PLANE! As in THE POTUS) I was about 5 when this happened and I really really had to go to the bathroom. Well I got to poop on the president’s plane. When he did great American teach in he would tell every class I shit on this airplane. He still to this day will bring it up to people. It’s so embarrassing.
11. The bus BM:
I had stomach issues in high school and had an emergency on the way back from a football game one Friday night. I had to go so bad I had tears in my eyes but there was no where to stop so.. I pooped in a five gallon bucket, into a grocery bag, with two woman covering me with a blanket and the bus driver listening on a bus full of sleeping high schoolers. So. Mortifying.
12. The Target bag deuce:
On the side of the interstate in two target bags squaring over my drivers seat. When you get the tummy rumbles and sweats, the next rest stop is 20 miles away. You double bag it and thank the lord you wore a skirt.
13. The holy crap:
I was walking to the bar with my cousin and we were 100 yards away and it hit me out of nowhere that I had to poop NOW. I couldn't wait until we got to the bar so I went behind a church in the church yard. Not my finest moment.
14. The curious cows:
I was on a run in Wales one time and out of nowhere I had to go NOW. I was running along a field of cows so I just hopped the fence and sat in the field. The most uncomfortable thing though was that all the cows wandered over to me and I was not really in the petting mood.
15. The hot shit:
16. The mystery dingleberry:
OML this is so embarrassing but here goes. In fourth grade I had constipation issues. One day in class, I felt a little nugget of poop fall into my underwear. I made a mad dash to the restroom, but when I got there I could not find the poop anywhere. I shrugged and went back to my class. When I got back, everyone was crowded around something in the floor, and it was the poop ball. It must’ve fallen out of my underwear! I was mortified, and, despite the poop being right next to my desk, they never found out it was me.
17. The fertilizer:
When we were kids, my mom would visit our grandfather but wouldn't let us in the house because he smoked in there. My older sister really had to poop, so she did it in their garden.
18. The off-broadway dung:
Alexander Hamilton’s basement. I went to NYC last April and was in Harlem at the museum/house and I really had to go. The basement was the only bathroom available
19. The prey pooh:
I was on a safari in Tanzania, and we were in the middle of the serengeti, aka miles and miles away from the nearest restroom. So when nature called, I had no choice but to squat in some tall grass and go! It actually felt pretty nice to squat like that, almost natural. But the worst part of it was that my grandpa, my dad, AND my tour guide had to form a triangle around me as I squatted with my pants down. They had to look out for any predators that would attempt to eat me while I was doing the deed! So awkward!
20. The Pringle stool:
During a field trip in fourth grade, we got stuck in traffic on the interstate on the way home. I couldn't hold it anymore and defiled a Pringle can.
21. The catwalk crapola:
Not me, but I’m high school I had friends who had a competition to see who could poop off the catwalk of our “cafetorium” (half auditorium, half cafeteria) into a trash can.
More than ten years later, I still think about it often.
22. The princess poopoo:
I was 16 and I was a princess in my towns royalty. The day before a parade I took a laxative and it didn't kick in until after the parade. I was on my way home with zero bathrooms around and only corn fields. I had to pull over and I took a shit in the field where no one could see me with a big, pink, poofy dress on.
23. The secret shite (till now):
When I was 7 I didn’t want to walk all the way to the bathroom (three doors down) so I pooped under my sisters bed and she didn’t find if for like two days and when she did she thought it was the dog. I never told anyone...
24. The hot hot diarrhea:
In 100 degree heat, leaning against a mud-brick wall, wearing 40 lbs of body armor and ammo, during a firefight between Sunni’s and Shia’s with us in the middle. During my first tour in Iraq, nearly everyone in my unit (100 guys) got dysentery. RPG’s and IED’s weren’t the only things that were explosive that week.
25. The cup crap:
Empty restaurant cup in the backroom of my store. There were customers on the floor, and I don't have a bathroom anywhere near my store. It was an emergency!!!
26. And finally, the dollar tree dump:
I once was shopping for a summer party at dollar tree. All of the sudden I had to poop. There were no bathrooms in the store and this dollar tree was in an Abandon shopping center so it was the only store within walking distance. I asked the workers if any of them had a bathroom that was accessible and they told me no. I started to weigh my options which were very slim and it came down to basically going outside and pooping on the sidewalk in front of the store, there were also no trash cans or any trees it was just a bare open parking lot or doing it somewhere in the store and hiding it. I was getting desperate and I couldn’t leave the store because I had over 50 items in my cart and at this point I was clenching my butt cheeks together. I started to panic because I couldn’t contain myself anymore. I looked down and I had on these polo Ralph Lauren socks. I did what I had to do. I went into the corner of the store, slide my running shorts to the side and somehow pooped right into the sock. There were no trash cans so I continued shopping smelling my shit from within my purse.
HAPPY POOPIN'!!!
