1. Once upon a time in a dark, dark world (the year 2003) David Beckham wore these pants.
2. THESE. PANTS.
3. Whose crotch is longer than a footlong sub.
4. Whose pants have stray seams all over the legs.
5. Whose cuffs are flowing over his shoes like a flooded river.
6. IT WAS MADNESS. IT WAS A SAD TIME FOR EVERYONE.
7. He felt so bad about the pants he offered someone roses to apologize for them.
8. But they can’t be forgiven.
9. The End.
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