Since the Kardashians first introduced their apps to the world, I have held off on downloading them. Even with my undying affection for Kendall, I just couldn't justify the monthly subscription fee for Kardashaflix, and more importantly, I didn't just want to waste my free seven-day trial and accidentally use it during a mundane week when all I get is just some blog post about being "Pretty in Plum." I needed to bide my time and be patient.
Then today, Kim Kardashian tweeted this:
And it happened. I began my free trial. I have become the consumer I never really wanted to be, but knew I'd turn into anyway. Because Kim wrote about her "Amazing Placenta." But as with all intriguing articles about Kim Kardashian eating her placenta, I could only read about it on her app. So I said fuck it, put in my credit card info, set an alarm to cancel in 6.5 days, and entered the world of...KIM'S AMAZING PLACENTA!!!
There it is. A bottle of placenta pills that looks like it came straight from Etsy, and it's just for Kim. Obviously, because it is HER amazing placenta.
This is what Kim had to say on her app about eating her placenta:
"So, I'm really not this holistic person or someone who would have ever considered eating my placenta. I actually thought Kourtney would have soooo done this, but I don't think she did.
"And when I say 'eat my placenta,' I mean that I'm having it freeze-dried and made into a pill form — not actually fry it like a steak and eat it (which some people do, BTW)."
"I really didn't want the baby blues and thought I can't go wrong with taking a pill made of my own hormones — made by me, for me. I started researching and read about so many moms who felt this same way and said the overall healing process was so much easier.
"I had great results and felt so energized and didn't have any signs of depression! I definitely had to do it again. Every time I take a pill, I feel a surge of energy and feel really healthy and good. I totally recommend it for anyone considering it!"