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Henry Cavill Breaking Up With Kaley Cuoco Is The End Of A Week-Long Nightmare

Literally one week after their public debut, Henry and Kaley have broken up. *Sheds tears of joy*

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A long time ago (if you are a dog), Kaley Cuoco and Henry Cavill came out as a "couple" and it WAS THE WORST THING EVER.

Fameflynet Pictures

They held hands and it was gross.

Premiere / FAMEFLYNET

They went shopping together and it was AWFUL.

Fameflynet Pictres

She touched the small of his back and it was like, "Get off the small of his back NOW."

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Then she started eating his shoulder like a freaking cannibal or something.

And she was just smooshed in there trying to bite off his beautiful muscles and you wanted to smash your head through a window.

But then something wonderful happened:

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And faster then you could say spaghetti, "CUOCVILL" was OVER.

And so, this glorious being was FREE ONCE AGAIN!

Kenneth Cappello for GQ UK
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And this flawless form was released from his relationship ropes.

AND IT WAS A GODSEND.

And this perfect back was available for the taking.

Fameflynet Pictures

And this stunning chest–ab combo was free to do what it wanted.

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And there was HOPE!

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Hope for humanity.

Kenneth Cappello for GQ UK

This butt was a prisoner to NO ONE ANYMORE!

And now he can be mine. I mean OURS.