For Everyone Who’s Still Fucked Up Over That Story About The Girl With The Ribbon Around Her Neck

I am not over “The Green Ribbon.”

1. Hello, my friends. I am here to ruin your day by reminding you of that iconic spooky story about the girl with the ribbon around her neck, from this classic book:

Harper Collins / Via amazon.com

2. Remember? It’s a wonderful story that also scarred me for life. It was called “The Green Ribbon” and this is literally the story. It’s about a girl named Jenny who wears a green ribbon around her neck.

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer.

3. Basically the girl met some dude named Alfred, and Alfred was always like, “Jenny, what’s up with the green ribbon around your neck??”

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer.

4. But Jenny never told Alfred; she was like, “You’ve gotta wait to find out!” But Alfred kept asking and asking. She even wore the green ribbon around her neck when they got MARRIED, and still didn’t tell him why!

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer.

5. Then they got old and Jenny got sick, but she still had that green ribbon around her neck. Finally, as she was dying she said that she could tell Alfred why she wore the green ribbon…

Harper Collins

6. …and it turns out it’s because JENNY IS AN UNDEAD LIAR!!!

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer

7. AND NOW WE’LL TALK ABOUT HOW THIS STORY STILL FUCKS ME UP TO THIS DAY.

8. First of all it’s like, holy shit, Jenny! What the hell!

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer.

9. Why didn’t you tell your husband that you were a zombie with her head chopped off?!?!!?

10. I mean, in retrospect, she was pale AF and clearly using excess blush to pretend like there was blood circulation to her face. We should have seen it coming!

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer.

11. But alas, we did not. And instead we got a twist ending crazier than The Sixth Sense. Because Jenny’s head fell off her freaking body.

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer

12. Literally onto the floor.

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer

13. Like, I kid you not when I say Jenny’s head just falls off.

Harper Collins

14. …all because she took off a choker she was wearing around her neck.

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer

15. And let me tell you, for the past 20+ years I have not gotten over this story. And now chokers are cool again. So it’s like, do we just have hundreds of Jennys walkin’ around?!?

16. I mean, I wear scarfs and bandanas around my neck frequently. Am I a Jenny?????

Bele Olmez / Getty Images

Not to mention dumb ol’ Alfred! How oblivious are you?? Didn’t you notice that your wife’s head was maybe a little wobbly or loose??

Art © 1984 by Dirk Zimmer.

SMH, ALFRED.

  1. In conclusion, I guess you can say I'm not over it. Are you?
    1. Nope! This story messed me up!
    2. Yeah, I’m over it.
    3. I am only just reading it for the first time now, and yep, I’m fucked!

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