7:59 p.m. ET: Taylor uploads the first of what will be many pieces of evidence that she is definitely on vacation with Calvin Harris. It is a video of her jumping on a water trampoline.
In it she pleads for Calvin to watch her. He obliges and reminds me of my mom when I was in first grade and used to make her watch me dive into the water every. single. time.
8 p.m. ET: Taylor uploads her second photo in one minute. This time she and Calvin are kissing!!! YES, KISSING. Also, her foot is popped, and if you've ever seen The Princess Diaries, you'd know this is a huge deal and means serious business.
8:02 p.m. ET: Taylor completes an Instagram trifecta. Three photos in quick succession. This one reminds everyone that Calvin Harris' real name isn't Calvin Harris. It's Adam Wiles. It also proves that Taylor's feet make perfect footprints in the sand.
8:03 p.m. ET: Taylor uploads yet another photo. This one clearly inspired by early 19th-century French art.
8:05 p.m. ET: Calvin Harris starts his photo-sharing spree. I imagine he and Taylor are sitting on their canopy bed, staring at their phone, and then she gives him the greenlight to start posting. "OK, I'm done, you can go."
8:07 p.m. ET: Calvin shares a picture of Taylor. The water looks nice.
8:13 p.m. ET: Calvin shares another picture of himself. His bathing suit has changed. He accidentally exposes continuity errors.
8:14 p.m. ET: Calvin shares another picture. This is his fourth in 10 minutes. Again we have three options as to who took this photo: a) a person whose job it is to take their photo, b) self-timer, c) a ghost.
8:19 p.m. ET: Calvin finds and enters a wormhole, affecting the space-time continuum. Taylor has on a different bathing suit than the one she was wearing in only one Instagram minute before.
Then, of course, there's Calvin's Snapchat Story, which is basically a very short Taylor Swift music video without any Taylor Swift music.
In it Taylor leads Calvin out to sea on a swan floatie.
REMEMBER THE SWAN?!
They also took turns filming each other for Calvin's Snapchat. I'm just going to assume that Taylor is filming this part, or else who would it be?!?!?
And that's EVERYTHING I KNOW! I'm still trying to find out what scenic location this all occurred at, but Taylor hasn't answered me yet. I'll let you know if she does.