1. First, Matt Damon kidnapped Jimmy and held him hostage.
2. Then we saw this clip of Jimmy Kimmel auditioning for Matt Damon’s roles with the help of several celebrities.
3. Then Robin Williams did the opening monologue.
4. Then Andy Garcia replaced Jimmy’s sidekick/security guard Guillermo.
5. Then Ben Affleck made an appearance but left because he couldn’t betray Jimmy.
6. Then Jimmy’s ex Sarah Silverman came on the show and talked about their relationship.
7. Then Nicole Kidman entered and humped Jimmy Kimmel.
8. Then Reese Witherspoon appeared and joined the show.
9. Then Demi Moore showed up.
10. Then several MORE really famous people congratulated Matt on his “new show” while ripping on Jimmy Kimmel.
11. Oh yeah, and Sheryl Crowe was there.
- An armed militant group is urging its members to patrol polling stations on election day, a move the group's leaders say is aimed at preventing voter fraud.
- RIP — Vine says it's discontinuing its mobile app, effectively ending the 6-second video service 💀
- The Obama administration delayed trans workers' protections for years after a landmark civil rights decision 🔎🌈
- Apple is expected to unveil a handful of updates to its Mac line today, including a new MacBook Pro📱 🍎