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23 Truly Terrible Sex Tips

Courtesy of Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, and more. Reasonably NSFW, as you might expect.

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1. Eat yogurt. It seems to work for mice.

2. Introduce doughnuts into your lovemaking.

3. Use your teeth.

4. Make him sneeze.

5. Have sex immediately after practicing yoga.

6. Attempt an intimate Chinese burn.

7. If he touches his belt, he definitely wants you.

8. Men, cover your eyes. She'll thank you for it.

9. Embrace the erotic potential of insect repellent.

10. Scarf down caviar.

11. Create a natural "bull's-eye" effect.

12. "Like you're milking a cow."

13. "Like you're opening a jar."

Cosmopolitan, Issue 99. / Via

14. WTF?

15. Douse his face in booze.


16. "Dice in a cup."

17. Get creative in the kitchen.


18. Speaking of which...

19. Indulge in unconvincing dirty talk.


20. Failing that, make sure a horror film is playing in the background.

That'll really set the scene.

That'll really set the scene.

21. Go ahead, ruin your bedsheets.


22. Ladies, why not set your man this baffling test?

23. "Volleying a tennis ball."