23 Things People Have Asked Piers Morgan On Twitter

The very best of #askpiers.

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Every now and then Piers Morgan asks his Twitter followers to submit questions, in the hope their responses will inspire material for his Mail on Sunday column.

Need some fun questions for my @EventMagUK column - use #AskPiers

Piers Morgan@piersmorgan

Need some fun questions for my @EventMagUK column - use #AskPiers

8:26 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

Each time, he hopes that the #askpiers hashtag will be used for genuine feedback from fans eager to hear about his celebrity lifestyle.

Any amusing questions for my @EventMagUK column this week? Use hashtag #AskPiers ...and try and keep the abuse to a minimum, if you can.

Piers Morgan@piersmorgan

Any amusing questions for my @EventMagUK column this week? Use hashtag #AskPiers ...and try and keep the abuse to a minimum, if you can.

5:20 PM - 11 Jun 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

Sadly, it never quite works out like that.

1.

#askPiers You are the human equivalent of catching a testicle in a zip. Do you ever phone tap your own dreams?

TechnicallyRon@TechnicallyRon

#askPiers You are the human equivalent of catching a testicle in a zip. Do you ever phone tap your own dreams?

2:21 PM - 07 Oct 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

2.

#AskPiers Do you ever wake to the first cold fingers of dawn creeping through the curtains & think about ending it all? If not, why not?

Nick Pettigrew@Nick_Pettigrew

#AskPiers Do you ever wake to the first cold fingers of dawn creeping through the curtains & think about ending it all? If not, why not?

9:13 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

3.

.@piersmorgan On average, how many times during an episode of 'Allo 'Allo do you get an involuntary erection? #askpiers

David Whitley@mrdavidwhitley

.@piersmorgan On average, how many times during an episode of 'Allo 'Allo do you get an involuntary erection? #askpiers

9:19 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

4.

#askpiers if a train leaves London at 12:37 and a train leaves Manchester at the same time doing 160km/h, are you still a colossal prick

Gareth Bale@GarethBale22

#askpiers if a train leaves London at 12:37 and a train leaves Manchester at the same time doing 160km/h, are you still a colossal prick

7:32 PM - 29 Apr 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

5.

#askPiers If teapot A holds 32 ounces of tea, about how many ounces does teapot B hold?

Lisa@BiscuitAhoy

#askPiers If teapot A holds 32 ounces of tea, about how many ounces does teapot B hold?

7:05 PM - 14 May 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

6.

.@piersmorgan If you could punch the fuck out of a cormorant, would you stop when it died or keep going for added satisfaction? #askpiers

David Whitley@mrdavidwhitley

.@piersmorgan If you could punch the fuck out of a cormorant, would you stop when it died or keep going for added satisfaction? #askpiers

11:23 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

7.

Did you get that message I left for you on Ulrika Jonsson's voicemail? #askpiers

tom jamieson@jamiesont

Did you get that message I left for you on Ulrika Jonsson's voicemail? #askpiers

5:39 PM - 23 Apr 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

8.

#askpiers Dear @piersmorgan will you ever grow out of the larval stage? Sincerely. H. Hackenbush.

Hugo Hackenbush@MangyLover

#askpiers Dear @piersmorgan will you ever grow out of the larval stage? Sincerely. H. Hackenbush.

3:34 PM - 09 Apr 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

9.

#AskPiers do you think it's silly to put hidden messages in tweets? also YOU aRE A Complete and Utter iNspiraTion, please rt

TechnicallyRon@TechnicallyRon

#AskPiers do you think it's silly to put hidden messages in tweets? also YOU aRE A Complete and Utter iNspiraTion, please rt

5:18 PM - 26 Nov 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

10.

#askPiers I left a voicemail on a random celebrity's phone calling you a weapons-grade tosser. Did you get it? @piersmorgan @EventMagUK

Dai Lama@WelshDalaiLama

#askPiers I left a voicemail on a random celebrity's phone calling you a weapons-grade tosser. Did you get it? @piersmorgan @EventMagUK

5:24 PM - 26 Nov 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

11.

#AskPiers If we're made in God's image, who is your God? Cthulhu?

Q-Tizzle@QuebecTango

#AskPiers If we're made in God's image, who is your God? Cthulhu?

6:05 PM - 26 Nov 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

12.

Ever thought of setting up a Tears for Fears tribute act called Tears for Piers, but on your own, then just sitting & crying #askpiers

Neil@nellyweather

Ever thought of setting up a Tears for Fears tribute act called Tears for Piers, but on your own, then just sitting & crying #askpiers

9:17 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

13.

.@piersmorgan Does licking your own sweat count as cannibalism? If not, where is the line? #askpiers

David Whitley@mrdavidwhitley

.@piersmorgan Does licking your own sweat count as cannibalism? If not, where is the line? #askpiers

9:16 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

14.

When you get weeping sores, do you give them names? Maybe 'Little Piers'? #askpiers

SRT@esarty

When you get weeping sores, do you give them names? Maybe 'Little Piers'?
#askpiers

9:09 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

15.

.@piersmorgan When was the last time you broke down in tears inside your secret spare-room newspaper cuttings shrine to Seal? #askpiers

David Whitley@mrdavidwhitley

.@piersmorgan When was the last time you broke down in tears inside your secret spare-room newspaper cuttings shrine to Seal? #askpiers

11:29 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

16.

@piersmorgan @EventMagUK If a turtle loses it's shell,is it naked or homeless??#askpiers

𧊊li bob✨@ali_missharibo

@piersmorgan @EventMagUK If a turtle loses it's shell,is it naked or homeless??#askpiers

8:30 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

17.

.@piersmorgan @EventMagUK how many pints of blood do you have to drink per day to stop your reptilian scales showing? #askpiers

SHIT O'SHITTERSON@lefthndpath

.@piersmorgan @EventMagUK how many pints of blood do you have to drink per day to stop your reptilian scales showing? #askpiers

8:28 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

18.

@piersmorgan @EventMagUK What's it like to be a gigantic tool? #AskPiers

Sami Nash@1KSamifish

@piersmorgan @EventMagUK What's it like to be a gigantic tool? #AskPiers

8:30 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

19.

#AskPiers Do you get a discount from the barber on condition he can sell your hair clippings to witches?

Oonagh@Okeating

#AskPiers Do you get a discount from the barber on condition he can sell your hair clippings to witches?

10:11 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

20.

.@piersmorgan Would you sooner fight 100 UB40-sized Aswads or one Aswad-sized UB40? #askpiers

David Whitley@mrdavidwhitley

.@piersmorgan Would you sooner fight 100 UB40-sized Aswads or one Aswad-sized UB40? #askpiers

11:35 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

21.

@piersmorgan would you rather penis sized nipples or a nipple sized penis? #AskPiers

Sean Berry@_seanberry_

@piersmorgan would you rather penis sized nipples or a nipple sized penis? #AskPiers

9:55 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

22.

#AskPiers how does it feel to have an arse for a face @piersmorgan

BEAR//FACE@bearfaceington

#AskPiers how does it feel to have an arse for a face @piersmorgan

8:49 AM - 28 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

23.

#AskPiers why are you such a twat?