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21 Simple Ways To Swear Like Malcolm Tucker

Important lessons from the foul-mouthed star of The Thick Of It and In The Loop. Warning: NSFW language ahead.

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1. Paint a vivid scene with your words

2. Employ unusual metaphors

3. And creative similes

4. Be poetic with your insults

5. Use the language of the playground

6. Inject a brisk rhythm

7. Throw in references to popular culture

8. The more obscure the better

9. Invent whole new words

10. Convey a sense of horrified disbelief

11. Be brutal

12. Understand the power of abstraction

13. If anyone tries to censor you, humour them

14. Take an existing phrase, and give it a twist

15. Add a dash of the surreal

16. But remember that sometimes the direct approach works best

17. If in doubt, get Biblical

18. Build to a resounding climax

19. And generally exploit every opportunity to demean and belittle

20. Just remember, Malcolm Tucker might like to swear at people, but he's NOT a bully

21. Got that?