21 Simple Ways To Swear Like Malcolm Tucker

    Important lessons from the foul-mouthed star of The Thick Of It and In The Loop. Warning: NSFW language ahead.

    1. Paint a vivid scene with your words

    2. Employ unusual metaphors

    3. And creative similes

    4. Be poetic with your insults

    5. Use the language of the playground

    6. Inject a brisk rhythm

    7. Throw in references to popular culture

    8. The more obscure the better

    9. Invent whole new words

    10. Convey a sense of horrified disbelief

    11. Be brutal

    12. Understand the power of abstraction

    13. If anyone tries to censor you, humour them

    14. Take an existing phrase, and give it a twist

    15. Add a dash of the surreal

    16. But remember that sometimes the direct approach works best

    17. If in doubt, get Biblical

    18. Build to a resounding climax

    19. And generally exploit every opportunity to demean and belittle

    20. Just remember, Malcolm Tucker might like to swear at people, but he's NOT a bully

    21. Got that?