I Revisited The Wonderful World Of "Jurassic Park" For The First Time Since I Was A Kid And It Was Pretty Fucking Cool
"Sorry Alan, it’s all about Dr. Malcolm (Jeff Goldbae) now."
1. This score is rather fab.
2. Ooh we’re on Isla Nublar! I definitely should have watched this before I watched Jurassic World and its sequel…things would have tied up a bit more.
3. Ooh, the iconic dino eye.
4. This lawyer seems shady AF but lol, he tripped, I laughed.
5. Ooohh Dennis is bad. Also, is he Al from Toy Story 2?
6. HI SAM NEILL. Looking pretty handsome.
7. FORGET SAM, HI LAURA DERN.
8. Who’s this little shite making turkey jokes to big Alan (Sam Neill)?
9. I want Ellie's (Laura Dern) hat btw.
10. Alan Is being VERY graphic right now about a dino killing you, this must have been pretty grim as a kid.
11. Alan is so hot though. And he also hates kids. Dream man.
12. HI RICHARD ATTENBOROUGH. I genuinely miss you.
13. Hammond (Richard Attenborough) has a Scottish accent, which I am loving. “Coosta reeeca” and “a wee testimony” are great lines.
14. JEFF GOLDBLUM GIVING ME ‘90S HOTTIE REALNESS.
15. That leather jacket, daddy Jeff. I need a cold shower.
16. Sorry Alan, it’s all about Dr. Malcolm (Jeff Goldbae) now.
17. The score really is triumphant, I should set it as an alarm.
18. The brachiosaurus might genuinely be my fave dinosaur. It seems like a nice, friendly sort.
19. This was ’93?? The effects are very impressive. Not to shit on the ‘90s.
20. They have a T-Rex, good idea guys. Ellie and Alan are happy but I’m already terrified. THEY’RE NOT PETS.
21. I guess that’s what a lot of this film is about though. WHY CAN’T WE LET THINGS BE??
22. Ellie’s glasses are a look.
23. I feel like Hammond’s Scottish accent has sorta disappeared though.
24. Wait is this Henry from the new films? Ok now I need to watch ALL of them 'cause I’ve clearly been missing things.
25. Henry Wu why did you have to turn out to be evil.
26. They’re all female? Bye men, you’re not needed.
27. The game warden’s shorts are very…short. Am I into beige overalls?
28. Dr. Malcolm is wary of the entire park. I am on his side tbh, stop fucking with stuff, people.
29. “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” Possibly gonna be the best quote of the entire film.
30. Jeff just said what they’re doing is the “rape of the natural world”. This is a very good debate, but a lot of this must have gone right over my head as a kid.
31. He brought his grandkids. Now the film is gonna be shit, isn’t it? The kids in Jurassic World were so fucking annoying.
32. Okay okay, this is it. They’re entering the park!!
33. This really must have been mindblowing when it came out. Actually, it still is, TBH.
34. I had no fucking clue that Samuel L. Jackson was in this.
35. “Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth”. Ellie is amazing.
36. WHAT IS UP WITH THIS LIL’ KID BEING DELIGHTED ABOUT THE LAMB BEING SACRIFICED???
37. Alan called the T-Rex he, but she is a she, if what Henry said was right.
38. This ill triceratops is v upsetting.
39. A STORM IS COMING!
40. DENNIS WITH YOUR WALLPAPER OF A LADY IN ZEBRA LINGERIE, YOU SUCK.
41. Okay, Dennis is in the yellow jacket, I remember this actually. I don’t think it ends too well.
42. I’m surprised, but glad, that the kids haven’t been in it too much (so far).
43. Okay the T-Rex is fucking terrifying.
44. And LOL at the lawyer ditching the kids. He’s gonna die.
45. THE TOILET SCENE. I do remember this. As Céline sang, it’s all coming back to me.
46. These kids are pretty brave, I can’t lie. And I know they won’t die, but they’re fucking going through it.
47. DENNIS LOST HIS GLASSES, THIS IS SO RELATABLE.
48. DENNIS I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOUR COMEUPPANCE, IT’S GOING TO BE SO SATISFYING.
49. Bye Dennis.
50. Ellie is rocking that yellow jacket.
51. We see the Jurassic Park shop – did they sell all of this merchandise when the film was released? I hope so.
52. Lex being a hacker is so fucking cool and forward and yesss. I am sure she will need to hack something later.
53. The dinos did turn male in a female-only environment due to the frog DNA. Dr. Malcolm was bloody right.
54. Ray’s constant smoking is the most ‘90s thing.
55. “We can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back.” YES ELLIE. YOU ARE THE BEST.
56. Oh god, Ellie is turning on the electric fence and the kid is on it.
57. AND NOW HE’S BEEN SHOCKED. This is traumatic.
58. Lol Alan just called the kid toast, cruel.
59. Yup, the green jelly is shaking, I know this well.
60. Velociraptors are here to fuck shit up.
61. And there ya go, Lex is hacking.
62. A child dinosaur genius and a child hacker, they really lucked out having these two with them.
63. LEX SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO SEE THAT “SEXY” WALLPAPER.
64. I just love that Dr. Malcolm is chilling and showing off his nipples. Fair play.
65. HEY T-Rex, saving the day.
66. And everyone still looks shabby but Ellie, which makes sense. She’s heavenly.
67. WAIT, it's based on a novel? I am a fool that had no idea.