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America, Stop Calling It Grilled Cheese

Yet again, America, we need to talk.

Right, look at this. Delicious, lovely, all gooey and shit at the edges.

Fucking awesome. Hot cheese! It's goddamn amazing and anyone who says otherwise should not be trusted.

BUT. It is not a grilled cheese.

And should be pretty obvious why. This is a grill. It grills things. You put things under it to grill them.

This is how you make a "grilled cheese", and it's in a shitting frying pan. This is a fried cheese.

Why is this called a grilled cheese, when you are clearly frying it?

"Oh, but you see, you're supposed to make it on a barbecue grill," you say. Well, bullshit, dogshit, and horseshit to that.

You see, barbecue is a method of cooking, not this weird sticky-sweet HP sauce knockoff you keep talking about like it's the answer to something.

The word "barbecue" comes from the indigenous peoples of the Caribbean, most likely Haiti, where it translates as "framework of sticks set upon posts." No mention of your brown spunk anywhere.

But back to cheese. This is is a fried cheese, and a lovely fried cheese, but it's not a grilled cheese.

If anything, this is a grilled cheese, and this is the British way, and this is better.

It's better, you see, because there's more cheese to toast. Two slices of toast, both covered in cheese. More cheese = better. Obviously.

So enjoy eating your "grilled cheese" if you want. ENJOY EATING A LIE.

You're ruining a truly great thing with this bullshit.