back to top

Which "Gin-Sodden Strumpet" Of Cheltenham Should You Get Drunk With?

It's so hard to decide who to get sodden in gin with!

Posted on

Mail Online columnist Richard Littlejohn has written an article describing two women at Cheltenham as "gin-sodden strumpets" and claimed that they have brought shame on the centuries-old struggle for women's equality. Of course.

Because obviously two women (reality star Jessica Hayes and model Katie Salmon) flashing their nipples at the races has destroyed feminism forever, as Littlejohn explains so reasonably:

"The Suffragettes could never have imagined that their noble struggle for equality would eventually lead to young women assuming the freedom to behave in public like gin-sodden strumpets from a Hogarth etching."

"Is this what Emily Davison threw herself under a horse for?" he asks, just like how drunk men are constantly shamed for not living up to expectations of the Great Men Of History:

"Looking at the photos of those two hideous, drunken slatterns at Cheltenham, flashing their nipples and poking their pierced tongues at passing punters, one could be excused for thinking: Is this what Emily Davison threw herself under a horse for?"

So which gin-sodden strumpet should *you* go out on the lash with?

  1. What would you get drunk on?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Champagne
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Gin and Tonic, naturally
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A perfectly aged merlot, chugged from cut-glass decanter
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A 60-year-old Scotch, which you drink while seething with a latent rage that it is 2016 and young women are being shamed in a national newspaper for not living up to some pudding-faced old sexist's ahistorical interpretation of feminism
  2. Which posh event would you proudly lower the tone of?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Via Richard Heathcote / Getty
    Oxford & Cambridge Boat Race
    Via Richard Heathcote / Getty
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Via Dan Kitwood / Getty
    Royal Henley Regatta
    Via Dan Kitwood / Getty
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Via Dan Kitwood / Getty
    Royal Ascot
    Via Dan Kitwood / Getty
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Via Carl Court / Getty
    The Proms
    Via Carl Court / Getty
  3. Which body part would you flash?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Left Nipple
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Right Nipple
    Correct
    Incorrect
    My entire body, as I slowly and proudly strip naked in front of the world's press in a work of performance art meant to represent the longed-for unburdening of women from the expectations of a profoundly unequal society
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Bum
  4. Which posh couple would have a spot of marital strife due to something naughty you did at a party?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Via WPA Pool
    Benedict Cumberbatch & Sophie Hunter
    Via WPA Pool
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Via Leon Neal / Getty
    The Duke & Duchess of Cambridge
    Via Leon Neal / Getty
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Via Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty
    Eddie Redmayne & Hannah Bagshawe
    Via Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Via Channel 4
    Steph & Dom
    Via Channel 4
  5. What drunk food would you eat as you head home, trying to ignore the feeling that you're being slowly suffocated by the intersection of the British class system and the patriarchy?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Fried Chicken
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Pizza
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Chips
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Kebab
  6. How would The Daily Mail describe you?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    A gin-sodden strumpet
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A slatternly disgrace
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A common harlot
    Correct
    Incorrect
    A scarlet woman, unfit for society, bringing disgrace to her family, who Richard Littlejohn personally finds unattractive
 
Take quizzes and chill with the BuzzFeed app.