The 65 Totally Random Things St. George Is Actually Patron Saint Of, Ranked

St. George is genuinely the patron saint of all these things, for some reason.

65. Crusaders.

Scott Free Productions / Via

Crusaders were dicks.

64. Equestrians.

Posh people. Did you know Mitt Romney’s horse was in the London Olympics?

63. Scouts.

Everyone hated being in the Scouts. Stupid fucking neckties.

62. Order of the Garter.

Shit clothing, shit Order.

61. Amersfoort, Netherlands.

A place in the Netherlands that looks like it probably doesn’t have much weed.

60. Bulgarian Army.

Like other armies, but Bulgarian.

59. Bulgaria.

Looks like a happening country.

58. Sheep.

Sheep don’t need a cunting patron saint.

57. Teutonic Knights.

Not the ones that are maybe the Illuminati, the other ones.

56. Beirut, Lebanon.

There’s an indie band called Beirut that is quite good.

55. Catalonia, Spain.

Messi’s not even from Barcelona, so what’s the fucking point, really?

54. Constantinople.

Doesn’t even exist anymore. Lazy.

53. Freiburg, Germany

Looks jazzy.

52. Malta.

Ancient home of the Templar Knights. Parts of World War Z filmed there.

51. Montenegro.

Entered robots in last years Eurovision.

49. London, England.

Greatest city in the world™. Has more London Underground users than any other city. Smells faintly of urine at all times.

48. Gozo, Malta.

Name kind of looks like the symbols for Led Zep IV. Or a muppet.

47. Ferrera, Italy.

Probably has good pizza.

46. Georgia.

The country, not the state. Lovely sunsets.

45. Haldern, Germany.

Contains at least one pretty house.

44. Knights.

Escape Artists / Via

Heath Ledger played one once (sort of). + 3 points.

43. Genoa, Italy.

A bit Communist.

42. Skin diseases.

I didn’t want to find a picture of skin diseases, so here’s a bunny instead.

41. Husbandmen.

Feudal role, slightly below Yeoman. According the only image of a husbandman on the internet, didn’t like storks, which makes this husbandman kind of a shit.

40. Horsemen.

Cowboys are horsemen?

39. Syphilis.

Over-rated. Lenin probably had syphilis.

38. Saddle Makers.

George is patron saint of everything even slightly horse based. Fucking saddle makers? Why is that a thing?

37. Portugal.

Hugo Correia / Reuters

Responsible for this shitbucket.

36. Horses.

Animal. Good at running.

35. Slovenia.

Quality mountains.

34. Moscow, Russia.


33. Heide, Germany.

Sometimes sunny.

32. Chivalry.


31. Modica, Sicily.

Principal products include olives, carobs, cereals and cattle.

30. Agricultural Workers.

One of many farm based professions on the list. Which is weird, because George wasn’t really a farmer.

29. Reggio Calabria, Italy.

Has a beach. Looks lovely.

28. Armourers.

Cool. Because TV.

27. Palestinian Christians

No comment.

25. Field Workers.

Variant of agricultural worker.

24. Portugese Army.

Like the Bulgarian Army, but Portuguese.

23. Ptuj, Slovenia

Has a spring festival dedicated to the God of hedonism. Hence the fur.

22. Lod, Israel.

Contains this rather fetching arch.

21. Serbia.

Both Serbia and Montenegro claim George as Patron Saint. He has to support basically half of Europe come the European Championships.

20. Aragon, Spain.

Went really downhill after the 16th Century.

19. Romani People.

Have the only cool type of caravan.

18. Lepers and leprosy.

Jesus liked lepers, and he was generally considered quite a good dude.

17. Palestine.

No comment.

16. Lithuania.

Cold and flat.

15. Portuguese Navy.

Boats. That are Portuguese. Often have guns.

14. Bavaria, Germany.

Good beer, good skirts, great lederhosen.

13. Archers.

New Line Cinema / Via

Cool. Because films.

12. Shepherds.

If Shepherd’s Pie was in this, it would have won.

11. Piran, Slovenia.

Adorable town. Also, the first town in former communist Europe to elect a black mayor.

10. Soldiers.

Most soldiers will take all the help they can get.

8. Herpes.


7. Corinithians Football Team.

Not a great club. Used to have both Tevez and Paulhinio, alongside many other great players, but had to sell them all because the finances of football dictate that Corinthians can’t compete internationally, and need to sell their best players, condemning the club to never bring their league to the height and popularity of the European super-leagues. A further tragic reflection of the Euro-Centrism of globalisation.

6. Riders.

New Line Cinema / Via

Probably not that sort of rider.

5. Cavalry.

Clearly the coolest soldiers.

4. Ethiopia.

Yes, that valley is actually in Ethiopia.

3. Cappadocia.

Stone for people who are really stoned.

2. Greece.

Much temple. Many history. Such old. Wow.

1. Butchers.

Intermedia / Via

Produce bacon.

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Luke Bailey is a senior editor for BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.
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