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    34 Things People Say About Tinder, And What They Actually Mean

    Tinder is not your friend.

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    1. I only use it for the ego-boost = I swipe right for everyone, then just pretend everyone loves me.

    2. I only use it for a bit of a distraction = I wish I wasn't single and had an actual person to distract me.

    3. I only downloaded it as a joke = I didn't get liked by everyone, and now I hate it.

    4. I just use it as a joke = I need love.

    5. I'm in a relationship, so it's just a bit of fun = I'm waiting for someone hotter than my S.O.

    6. I love it = I got laid last night.

    7. I like it = I got laid a few weeks ago.

    8. I quite like it = I got laid ages ago.

    9. It's OK = I nearly got laid once.

    10. I hate it = I got stood up once.

    11. I've run out of people in my area = I've literally ruled out every single person in my city and I'm going to die alone. Please help.

    12. I don't use Tinder, I just talk to real people = On Tinder. I do use Tinder.

    13. I use it all the time = I'm playing a numbers game.

    14. I hardly ever use it = I use it quite a lot.

    15. I never use it = I use it a bit.

    16. You should have a go on mine, it'll be funny! = Maybe this will work.

    17. What should I write? = I've tried literally everything.

    18. I can't write that! = Might as well give it a go.

    19. I found your friend on it the other night = Did they mention me?

    20. I swiped left, obviously = I swiped right, but I haven't had a notification, so...

    21. I swiped right, obviously = I swiped left, because I don't really fancy your friend.

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    22. I was talking to this person, but they were being weird = They were drunk.

    23. I was talking to this person, but they were being really weird = Their friends had taken their phone.

    24. This person kept giving me nonsensical chat-up lines = Their co-workers had taken their phone.

    25. My age range is about three years either way = My age range is about seven years either way.

    26. I'm pretty picky = I'm not that picky.

    27. I'm not that picky = I just need someone else's genitals near me.

    28. I wouldn't do internet dating = I think technology is terrifying.

    29. I don't know what Tinder is = I do, but I didn't get anywhere when I tried.

    30. I'm getting loads of matches at the moment = I haven't used it in a while and they've been building up.

    31. Yeah, I've got a few matches I haven't messaged yet = I used it while drunk, and dramatically lowered my standards.

    32. Tinder is good because it's low-key = I don't like getting dressed to flirt with people.

    33. I'm just looking to meet friends on Tinder = I don't understand what Tinder is for.

    34. What is Tinder? = I am old.

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