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53 Things No British Person Has Ever Said

Except sarcastically, obviously.

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1. A Sunday Roast just isn't complete without boiled potatoes.

2. I hate when the Yorkshire pudding soaks up all the gravy.

3. I don't get the point of pies.

4. I only eat at Gregg's for the clean, healthy feeling it gives me.

5. It's the tomato that really pulls the Full English together, don't you think?

6. I don't know if I like black pudding or not.

7. It's definitely the subtle flavors that I go to Toby Carvery for, not because it's £5.99.

8. I don't think I've ever had a Nando's.

9. Have Freddos gone up in price? I hadn't noticed.

10. Waitrose Essentials truly are essential.

11. If you ever needed proof that technology is the future, supermarket self-checkouts are where to look.

12. You haven't truly heard music until it's being played from the phone of a teenager at the back of the bus.

13. I'm so glad it's cloudy today.

14. It's lucky there's only a few inches of snow, there won't be any problems with transport.

15. Rail replacement buses are just the most fun adventure you can have, aren't they?

16. Why on earth would I have a beer on a train? That's just weird.

17. Isn't a bit early to go to the pub?

18. No, just pour the Guinness in one go, stop messing about with it.

19. I honestly can't remember whose round it is.

20. No, don't worry, I'm happy to get this round as well.

21. I don't understand why you never see any Australian barmen.

22. So annoying that there's a dog in the pub.

23. I might be drunk, but I still don't want a kebab.

24. That croissant really sorted out my hangover.

25. Two weeks is pretty much the optimal duration for Fireworks night.

26. Honestly, we should probably burn more effigies of minority religions.

27. I hope this England game goes to penalties.

28. I actually had a detox over the Bank Holiday weekend.

29. Every Geordie I've ever known has been quite shy and retiring.

30. No, however you want to make my tea is fine.

31. Milk first? Sure!

32. Yes, we just jumped straight on to the property ladder. Very easy.

33. I just love Milton Keynes.

34. Actually, waiter, my meal was terrible.

35. At the end of the day, Ed Sheeran is what the MOBOs are all about.

36. The Great British Bake-Off is just a bit too real, I've had to stop watching it.

37. Cream of the crop, those Apprentice candidates.

38. Just a small glass is fine, actually.

39. I really want a "Keep Calm" poster, but I just can't find one anywhere.

40. You might not like him, but you can't say that David Cameron isn't a man of the people.

41. Math

42. Li-cess-ter

43. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

44. I find it genuinely hilarious when Americans make jokes about us having bad teeth.

45. Americans really stereotype British people accurately.

46. Selfie sticks are clear proof that Britain is headed in the right direction.

47. I'm really running out of money, I might have to move to London.

48. I mean, it's nice, but it's no 'Spoons, is it?

49. I don't understand why the national media keeps ignoring London.

50. America's changed the chocolate in Creme eggs? No worries!

51. I quite like Piers Morgan

52. I'm not sorry, but…

53. Tea has never solved anything.