17 Of The Actual Worst Avocados That Have Ever Happened

    This is bullshit.

    1. Look at this terrible excuse for an avocado.

    2. Could you make guacamole with this? No. No, you could not.

    3. Because this is just trash.

    4. Shocking, disappointing trash.

    5. Just look at this. Look at this horror.

    6. Avocados can be just the most frustrating thing.

    7. They're responsible for too much misery.

    8. Too much sadness.

    9. But the thing is, when an avocado isn't cut open, you just can't tell whether you're going to win the avocado lottery or not.

    10. It could go either way.

    11. You could have a perfect looking avocado, the sort of avocado that you pick up and look around at all the people who could never have picked an avocado as good as you, but when you open it, it just reveals the depths of your hubris.

    12. When it comes down to it, that's all avocados are – a shell holding our most basic hopes, threatening to reveal them to be worthy, or to reveal them to be naught.

    13. But then, when opened, like a cat in a box that might be dead or alive, the act of observing changes what is observed, and no longer can we assume that our hopes might be fulfilled.

    14. Instead they are dashed upon the rocks, dashed into a thousand pieces as we stare, forlornly, at a really crap avocado result.

    15. A really, really crap avocado.

    16. But still, we will find another avocado, and open another avocado, and be disappointed again, because humans are nothing if not resilient.

    17. And always eager for more avocado.