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Dancing Horses At The Olympics Should Get Their Own Fucking Medals

This is bullshit and we shouldn't stand for it.

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People, we need to talk about this. We need to talk about the rank unfairness of the horses in the horse dancing getting bullshit tiny medals, while their humans get the proper ones.

Obviously, OBVIOUSLY, the horse is the most important part of horse dancing. Just look at this human desperately trying to steal the spotlight.

NBC / Via

"Oh, yeah, cool bow, that's the same as all my dancing, you fuckwit." – That horse

Just look at all this complicated dancing and tell me that the real winner here isn't the horse. That rider is just along, quite literally, for the ride.

NBC / Via

Note: All these GIFs are from the 2012 Olympics, because the IOC is a sensible organisation that wants to promote Rio 2016 sport as openly and widely as possible and wouldn't do anything ludicrous like try to put a content wall across the entire internet.

This horse, which danced to the Grammy Award–winning 1999 hit "Smooth" by Santana featuring Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty from the multi-platinum album Supernatural, deserves its own damn medal.


This is the award you give to a 4-year-old who did a particularly good drawing of a house in crayon, not an Olympic champion.

John Macdougall / AFP / Getty Images

Like a really good drawing. One where they remembered to join up the land and the sky and everything.

And this horse knows. This horse is clearly sad at the lack of a really good medal. You can't tell me this horse isn't really sad about the fact that he doesn't get a proper medal and instead has to hang out with this nonsense on the side of his head.


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