1.It's important to use language that the teens will understand. Make sure you speak in their language.
2.You can connect with teens so easily when you do use their language. For example, this is a perfect birthday card for a teen. (To be clear, "sick" actually means good, and "wicked" also means good. And everyone knows teens love to be random.)
3.Did you know the teens text? Well they do! Some of the teens even text a lot! So how better to explain Shakespeare to them than with texting!
4.Even history can be improved by introducing social media. The hashtag #TRENCH FOOT! is just a great example of this – it's exactly how the teens use Twitter, and there's no part of it that's "broken" or utterly fucking illogical.
5.The Dab! Dabbin'! What better way to explain learning techniques than with a good ol' Dab. The kids love to Dab.
6.There is nothing, literally nothing, the teens like more than an acrostic – except selfies and hashtags, of course. So put them both together, and you've got a super-fly learning opportunity.
7.Memes (pronounced "may-mays") are so great. Look at the frog, he's sad! A meme of the week is a totally normal way to talk about them.
8.You can make your own memes (pronounced "mey-meys") as well. So if you don't want to wait a whole week for the next meme to be faxed to your office, just come up with your own.
9.Emojis are wonderful! They're easy to understand because they're little pictures! Teens, obviously, are now mostly illiterate, so the only real way for them to express themselves is using pictures.
10.It's just so easy.
11.But it's not all fun and games. There is a serious purpose to adjusting your language, as many teens simply cannot understand it otherwise. So when you need to make a real warning, sprinkle some text-speak in there. Just to make sure.
12.Things the teens like can be used to persuade the teens to not do things. For example, this Digimon poster will stop the teens from ever doing any drugs!
13.And if you really need the teens to pay attention, there's nothing more effective than adding some really great memes (pronounced "mayimees").
14.Really, memes (pronounced "maoam-maoams") are appropriate for every situation, and will always make the teens take a subject more seriously.
15.Sometimes text speak is not appropriate, and the appropriate thing to do is use other appropriate vernacular. This process of adaptation is known as appropriation.
16.Here's another example of always using the correct language, the process of which is called "appropriation", a word that definitely means exactly this positive thing and nothing else.
17.If you're marketing to a teen audience, one way is to take one meme (pronounced to rhyme with "candied yams") and combine it with another. This shows the teens just how much of a "memelord" you truly are.
18.As always, the more teen slang you can put on a product, the better. Much like Smirnoff Ices, all teens know there's simply no such thing as too much.
19.Whatever you're doing, if you want the teens to like it, just add a meme! (pronounced like your groaning howl into the pitch-black void of your own irrelevance as you realise the destruction time has wrought on your increasingly frail body)