1."Washing dishes is women's work, with all the lemon and lemongrass and apple. But this? This is BUILT FOR MEN. Cleaning for MEN."
2."I don't need any of those womanly lozenges, for I am a MAN, but also, my throat is slightly tender and I have a ticklish cough so I am using these MANLY LOZENGES."
3."My masculine skin must never touch the products a woman might use. That will diminish my masculinity. My masculinity is strong and powerful and that is why the lotion I use must be MEN lotion."
4."Fruit is for women, I only eat manly foods like beef and tree bark and an entire motorbike."
5."Everyone knows that touching your hair is a sign of being gay, so it's important that I only use men's hair tools. Anything else would be gay. I'm not gay."
7."Fuck other mugs, this is a manly mug. It's black and white, because colours are for women. So is any form of design, and serifed fonts."
8."I could never eat women's chocolate. This is man chocolate. It tastes like axle grease, and smells like a gun."
9."If someone saw you using a pink phone, they would definitely assume you were gay. Or a woman. Or some sort of alien, determined to bring down society by making everyone faint in horror."
10."I am a strong and powerful man, and I don't want to get a bit damp, but how could I possibly stand under a normal umbrella. I must have a MAN'S umbrella. For protecting men."
11."Sweet potato might be healthy, but how could I possibly eat it without being reminded of the devastating lethal power of an explosive device. Death makes me hard. But not in a gay way. Just in, like, a manly way."
12."As I man, it's important that not even a small amount of affection is allowed to show through to my closest friends. I must wish them happy birthday in a totally masculine way."
13."Queens are like girls or something, and no man should be called a girl because that would be so embarrassing."
14."Writing is for women."
15."But feminism is only valid if it involves men."
16."Being clean isn't something men should do. Were medieval footsoldiers clean? Did cavemen ever take a shower? Did dinosaurs use soap? Exactly."
17."So long as something is being killed it's fine to be clean though, because then it's EXTREME."
18."I must wash myself in an entirely masculine way. I don't even look at my own testicles."
19."All my cleaning products are MAN'S cleaning products. Because I AM A MAN, and nothing must be allowed to make me feel otherwise."
20."This food is only truly good for men. Women wouldn't appreciate it."
21."Make me smell like sport. Sport is a good scent. Everything should smell like sport."
22."I need to be constantly reassured that my desires are not in conflict with my identity, and my decisions won't influence the presence of an arbitrary concept in my own self-perception."
23."Also, yoghurt is for women. Give me POWERFUL yoghurt for my POWERFUL masculinity."