28 Reasons No One Should Ever Visit Essex
Just nothing there.
Essex is just grim towns, really.
No nature to speak of.
After all, there's nowhere nice to go.
Or unusual things to do.
Does anyone really want to go on a boat?
Or see wonderful bits of a canal?
No one wants to walk around North Weald Market.
Strawberry picking wouldn't be any fun, after all.
White tiger at the zoo? Nah.
Essex just has nowhere quiet to hang out.
It just doesn't look great.
And you never stumble across anything historical.
It's not like there are 500-year-old bridges nestling in the countryside.
Or lovely country houses.
Or Elizabethan Halls.
The towns are all pretty glum.
You won't see experimental art, or anything like that.
There are no pubs either.
Or any fine food either, it's all a bit rubbish.
The beaches are pretty meh too.
Why would anyone want to hang out in all these colourful beach huts?
It's be a bit crap, probably.
Or see the world's longest pier?
Yeah, no one wants to be anywhere near these beaches.
Essex doesn't look much better at night.
Nothing fun happens then.
Yeah, don't bother with Essex. It's just all a bit rubbish.
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