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A Sunday Roast Should Never Have Peas, And This Is Why

Peas on a roast is bullshit.

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Obviously, roast dinners are the most glorious British tradition. But they are facing a new, and grave, crisis.

Joe Gough / Getty Images

Roast meat is incredible, be it beef, or lamb, or chicken, or anything else.

Lisovskaya / Getty Images

Roast potatoes might be the finest things ever created, the most perfect distillation of everything good.

And obviously, obviously Yorkshire puddings are spectacular. Fucking spectacular.

Best thing that's ever come out of Yorkshire, with the possible exception of Neville Longbottom.
Flickr: arndog

Best thing that's ever come out of Yorkshire, with the possible exception of Neville Longbottom.

It's all tied together with gravy, real, magnificent gravy.

But there is a problem.

Look at this otherwise excellent roast.
Flickr: joits

Look at this otherwise excellent roast.

Look at it closer. Do you see the obvious fucking problem with this?

It's the worst, and it's ruining this roast dinner.

LOOK AT THE FUCKING PEAS.

I mean, yeah, sure, also the mashed potato, but THE PEAS.
Flickr: joits

I mean, yeah, sure, also the mashed potato, but THE PEAS.

This is a great roast, just waiting for gravy. Because there are no peas.

Every time you put peas on a roast, a fairy loses her wings.
Scholes1 / Getty Images

Every time you put peas on a roast, a fairy loses her wings.

This, on the other hand, is a bullshit roast. A bland facsimile, knocked off without care or love or emotion.

This is a roast for people who fuck with the lights off.
Joegough / Getty Images

This is a roast for people who fuck with the lights off.

And it's so sad, because there are so many options before you have to resort to peas. There's cauliflower cheese, for fuck's sake.

Joegough / Getty Images

Honey roasted carrots?

Roast parsnips? Green beans? You can literally have any vegetable on a roast and it works so goddamn well.

Olha_afanasieva / Getty Images
Thinkstock

Well, except tomato. If you put tomato on a roast dinner you're clearly a serial killer.

Look at this monument to excellence, sculpted from the an array of vegetables straight from the heart of the land, and absent of peas.

Look all the many, many vegetables in there, and ask yourself why you should be OK with peas diminishing the brightest spot in your life.
Flickr: adactio

Look all the many, many vegetables in there, and ask yourself why you should be OK with peas diminishing the brightest spot in your life.

What tragedy in someone's life inspired this lack of imagination?

Darren Wise / Getty Images

What failure of wit, and creativity, and goodness, and hope made this happen?

Joe Gough / Getty Images

You shouldn't have to finish a roast with a sad collection of little green dingleberrys on the side of your plate.

Luke Bailey

Roasts are magnificent. Peas are ruining them.

  1. Peas on a roast - yes or no?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Never.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I support freedom of choice.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Always.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I'd rather have another Yorkshire.
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Peas on a roast - yes or no?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Never.
  2.  
    vote votes
    I support freedom of choice.
  3.  
    vote votes
    Always.
  4.  
    vote votes
    I'd rather have another Yorkshire.
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