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19 Reasons British Fast Food Is Way Better Than American Fast Food

As understood by a British person who's never really eaten fast food in America. It's because Greggs, basically.

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1. OK, let's start with the obvious. We have Greggs. Greggs is superb, because not only is it everywhere, it sells hot meat in pastry at ludicrously low prices. And hot meat in pastry is basically the most important foodstuff to ever exist.

Take steak bakes, for instance. Firstly, just look at how nice they clearly are. Not only that, they're always hotter than the sun so you can carry them around for hours, and they're still incredibly cheap.

greggs.co.uk

And you can get anything else you'd ever want – sausage rolls, pasties, even a perfect bacon roll, for basically no money at all.

4. But back to the food itself. Pasties. Another perfect food. It's an entire meal, wrapped up in pastry and baked. What more could you want?

Further to that, while the basic (and probably best) version is the classic steak, there are plenty of other options. You can have it with lamb and mint, or pork, or chicken, or just vegetarian, or add some stilton or ale. You can even have a sweet version. Basically, anything you can imagine can be made into a pasty. It's an ongoing mystery why they only seem to be available at train stations, unless you're actually in Devon or Cornwall.

OK, but those sort of shops close at about 7. To really beat American fast food, Britain needs to beat things like Taco Bell. So, a 2am Taco Bell? Can Britain beat that?

6. And what we can buy at 2am is all either loads of meat or loads of bread, and it's basically all fried as well. Let's start with kebabs.

There is no better drunk food, and you can stuff jalapenos in it. And any other vegetables you want. And it doesn't make British people sick because of the noxious blend of alcohol that's already been drunk. Easy.

7. Then there are battered sausages, which are just better than corn dogs. OK, sure, you get credit for the stick, that's a great idea. But otherwise...

Flickr: photosbyzoe

British sausages have much better meat content, which makes them nicer, and deep-fried batter is just right – corn dogs appear to have some sort of cake around them. Why.

Flickr: photosbyzoe

British sausages have much better meat content, which makes them nicer, and deep-fried batter is just right – corn dogs appear to have some sort of cake around them. Why.

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Flickr: photosbyzoe

British sausages have much better meat content, which makes them nicer, and deep-fried batter is just right – corn dogs appear to have some sort of cake around them. Why.

9. But most important are the actual chips themselves. Because most chip shops do really, really great chips.

Flickr: malias

It's primarily because many, though by no means all, actually make their chips from potatoes. Having a peeler/chipper combination is not that uncommon, and it means you end up with really, really, great chips, made out of actual potato.

While we're here, let's clear up the fries vs chips thing. Chips are potatoes that are chipped and then fried – they're generally quite chunky. Fries are the narrower version that are mass produced and shipped out frozen.

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Seriously, if you go to most supermarkets, they will sell frozen french fries. And pubs offer both fries and chips. This has all been a big misunderstanding, America.

(Though the chips/crisps thing is still a mess.)

10. Though that doesn't excuse the mess that you put on chips that you claim is cheese.

Look, on the left is cheese on chips. It's grated, nice, flavourful cheese that melts over them perfectly.

On the right is...something. I don't know what it is, but it's not cheese. It's possibly some sort of pus? It's not cheese, and those are not cheesy chips, and that is why British chips – or hell, fries – are always going to be better.

Seriously, here's someone from BuzzFeed UK trying this fake cheese – admittedly on a bagel. He is not happy.

vine.co

11. More importantly, you can deep-fry anything. A Mars bar! A Big Mac! OK, so that's originally American, but it's much better now it's been deep-fried, obviously.

That said, just because you can, doesn't mean you necessarily should.

Chippy sauce! And if you don't know what that is, you don't deserve it.

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Obviously, you can put stuff on your chips in America too. But it's not as good as this stuff, that's the point.

13. America, you probably have quite a lot of fried chicken options as well. But we have them everywhere. Thousands of fried chicken shops, handing out six wings and chips for £2.50. They're so important to us we made a whole TV show out of one.

14. The names are incredible as well. So incredible you can make an entire alphabet out of shops just switching out the "K" in KFC.

Yes, that is "Ferfect" fried chicken. And Tennesseeland. Because, see, it's close to Kentucky, but it's not the same place?

15. But we can make it posh too, and then it's really 🔥.

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All our posh fast food is actually great. Like pulled pork rolls, for example. Yes, there are a lot of them, but when you get down to it, it's a massive lump of meat in bread. It's the fucking best.

Flickr: chrisgold

And there are many street food festivals that actually do pulled pork, so I'm calling it fast food. It's better than Burger King, at any rate.

16. Whereas when America tries to do interesting fast food, it goes in totally the wrong directions, and ends up with a monstrosity like this.

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The KFC Double Dog. Like a hot dog, but with chicken instead of bread. Chicken is great, but jfc KFC.

17. Oh, and there are sandwiches everywhere in Britain. We have whole chains dedicated to just putting things in bread and packaging them so you can be back at your desk in four minutes flat. Shit, actually, this one might not be a great example.

18. OK, you want a clear reason British fast food is better than American. While America has things like McDonald's and Burger King, which are just OK, we have Parmos.

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YEAH, get a good look at THAT.

It's chicken and breadcrumbs and hot cheese and it's perfect. Especially when it comes with chips as well.

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