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The 27 Most Annoying Things Every Bartender Has To Endure

You're actually legally allowed to break people's fingers if they snap them at you. (Maybe.)

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1. People who wave money or snap their fingers at you, as though being incredibly obnoxious is a reason to serve them.

2. People who decide proximity to the bar is all that matters, and elbow-barge their way through the crush, and then get annoyed that you're not serving them despite everyone else being there first.

3. Though being at the back of the queue and waving to try to get attention is just as annoying.

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As is attempting to get served by interrupting someone else who's actually getting served. Just wait your turn, you entitled cockwomble.

4. When you do get to the front, it doesn't help to complain about waiting times. It won't make the drink come any quicker.

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Look, we know it's not ideal to have to wait for 20 minutes. We are, almost always, working very hard to get you a drink as soon as possible, since that is very literally our job. But sometimes bars are busy, and it will take longer than we would ideally want. There is not a lot we can do about that. So hang out! Look around you. Maybe make a friend.

6. Of course, there are the other ways to order and piss everyone off. The "surprise me" is a good one.

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I will surprise you with the cheapest beer we have. If you're lucky, it'll be in a glass and not your face.

9. Of course, they may then complain that the specific drink they've requested is not available.

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It's always either an incredibly hipster beer that's been brewed in the forest by blind monks to produce only five bottles (none of which are available in this bar), or a very high-end spirit. Shockingly, the dive bar with what appears to be a bloodstain on the ceiling doesn't have the 30-year-old Talisker you're so keen on.

(Also, the woman whose ear you said that loudly next to does not care.)

11. People who decide to order drinks without looking up from their phone are terrible as well.

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Human interaction is hard, it really is. But just try to make eye contact. It's worth it, honestly.

13. When people are told the price, they'll often respond by repeating it back with an incredulous tone. As though you'll suddenly respond with "Oh no! I forgot! You get the super-duper-special cool person price!"

14. They will then try to use a card to pay for their single drink that they're still convinced they could get for a few pennies less down the road.

15. Failing that, the cash will make its way on to the bar, in the one wet bit, and you'll have to scrape it up through all the miscellaneous spilled drink.

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Unless, that is, they can't find it at all and decide to pour the contents of their bag and pockets all over the bar, seemingly unaware that old train tickets and a button are not valid forms of currency in 2015.

16. Surprisingly, many, many people ask to charge their phone. Like, more than there are plug sockets.

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This, in fairness, is not their fault. Battery life is always terrible and smartphones have ruined everything.

17. But even if your phone is basically life support, reaching over the bar to try to get it charged is definitely not OK.

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Just never reach over the bar. People lose hands like this. Or they would, if bartenders had their way.

18. Talking is nice! Except when it's busy.

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Long conversations when it's completely rammed are a problem. Especially if it's a long and discursive conversation about exactly why the bartender is doing something wrong.

20. It's even worse if that long conversation means they don't make room at the bar for all the VERY MANY people waiting behind them.

21. The people who leave a trail of destroyed beermats behind them.

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This dog would be allowed, though, obviously.

24. Actually, being responsible for cleaning is hella annoying. Obviously, it's part of the job and it comes with the deal, but when you're tired at the end of a shift, it's the last thing you want to do.

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Especially when people do things like leaving gum in the middle of the table.

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